Parts of me

Don’t look at me like that,
you expect me to bare my soul.

You say you understand me,
know what it is that saddens me.

You know nothing,
I’ve shown you merely an illusion.

Do you even know the truth?
Do you know what I’ve been honest about,
what lies or truths I may have told?

How much of me do you trust?
How much do you believe to be true?

I hide behind a false self,
tell many lies, vague answers.

Anything to keep them at a distance,
anything to keep them away from me.

No longer do I want his love,
no longer do I want happiness,
children, marriage, joy.

I trust no one anymore,
only give fragments of me,
holding in all the rest.

So many lies, all the intricacies,
all the beautiful details of my fake existence.

Can I really trust anyone?
Losing one I love more than life,
the only reason suicide isn’t an option.

What more do I have?
I see her face,
hear her voice,
but she’s gone.

Only a memory, like all the others,
blocked away, forced deep into darkness.

Love has rejected me,
happiness has failed me.

Trust has betrayed me,
hopes and dreams have deserted me.

Never again will I expose all of me,
never again will I be that close.

I will never say those words,
or hear them from sweet lips.

I love no one,
I trust no one.

How can I,
when all anyone knows is lies?

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