An Empty Train of Dreams

I was the first thing you didn't see when you walked in the room

But don't assume I wasn't there, oh but I was
And it's only because I wasn't the person I wanted to be yet,
The person that I thought you would let into your life then,
That I didn't know when to say, "Hey" or "Hi"
Because I knew that if I was allowed those things, I would have to say, "Goodbye."
But my knowledge of an inevitable end that you know is coming
Like the water that takes the longest running path down the drain
Kept me from being completely sane. That made me take the train from logic and reason
Through the seasons of my life that had its ups and downs and downs and downs...
And the train never left its track. There was no way of turning back.
So the one-way ticket I bought was nonrefundable.
It took me days to make up my mind to find a train that I thought that you'd be on.
I feared you were gone before I could find you.
And maybe I would, someday, meet you at the station where we could begin the creation
Of a meaningless conversation over coffee just so I can talk to you for awhile.
So I can see your smile.
And we can pack up the car's trunk with all the junk we took off the train
But the pain of the inevitable "Goodbye" still lingered in my head.
Still echoed the words I read.
Like a foreign language I recognized, but couldn't read a sentence.
It was coming fast like the train that brought us to this moment.
We'd be happy in the new house we'd We'd own it.
We'd have kids and grand-kids and never stop loving one another.
And then would come the summer when one of us would feel the coldest winter of our lives.
We'd be all alone again hiding behind the disguise of the mask that said we'd be fine.
But then someone would ask, "What happened?"
And I wouldn't be able to comprehend the weight of the question that made me finally think of you again for the first time.
I'd be the age of the last prime number before one hundred.
Waiting for my eternal slumber where I could rest my eyes beside you again. My friend.
That was all the perfect dream, as I slept on the train to where we'd meet.
The sleet and frost on the window left a shadow in my heart of things to come.
And it doesn't matter where you're from and what your family's like
It only matters what I think of you. And Me.
But before I can figure out that I have to be the person that I want to be before I can even fathom a life with you,
The train stops.
And it doesn't take me long to realize you're not there.
And in the air your smell doesn't track my nose down.
My face conjures a frown filled with the most puzzled look of confusion you'd have ever seen.
Because I knew you had taken this train. I knew you were in one of these cars.
I knew you were out there waiting for me. And I knew that you were feeling the same way too.
The same anger and sadness that was inside of you that couldn't hide from you would make you cuss.
And even though I thought We would be together forever...
No one had told me that you'd taken the bus.
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