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Who the fuck am I without you
In a constant state of confusion
People ask how I am
I don't know
I feel disconnected from my true self
I can't rationalize why I stayed
I don't understand why you choose to hurt me over and over
Some changes have occurred
I can't fathom the things you still do
To which you reply "you can't expect me to change overnight"
I am an empath I understand and make sense of things more than you could possibly know
When will it be enough for me
When will it be enough for you
Who will be enough for you
I can't believe this occured the whole 8 years we were together and you only admitted to the last year
I know different hoping for the truth
when dealilng with a narcassist you never receive all the facts only 10 percent of the truth
how can you look at me the way you do one day
Then discard me the next
How can you look into my eyes my soul and tell me we are meant for one another
And message a girl that same day
asking for pics
asking for videos
asking for a hook up
You don't know that I know
Why the fuck do I stay silent
waiting for what
waiting for the final straw
what is the final straw with you
my guard is up constantly
always expecting the worse from you
but when your in front of me
I believe you
I believe in the facade
Why
Why are you different when your alone in your thoughts
I wish you would reach out and ask for help
I wish we could have this dream that i thought we did
until i found out everything
well most things that i found out
that 10 percent
I am grieving daily
do you notice
I am lost in my thoughts wondering how you could hurt me so
Someone asked me if I loved you
In a heartbeat I would have said YES
But now...
How can I love someone that has hurt me so many times and continues to do so
How can someone say they love me and turn around and message other people
When it has been discussed as a clear boundary violation
you continue to push the button
you continue to gaslight me on every situation
I haven't discussed some situations
why
for fear
or for complacency
I still don't know what I want for this relationship
I know I will not accept what I have in the past
I am worth more than that
I am not a door mat
I am not someone for you to use
Someone that takes care of you in every aspect
I know you tell those girls otherwise
I'm a fucking gem and you treat me like a piece of shit
When will I recognize the emotional abuse
the narcassistic abuse
the gaslighting
the stonewalling
Why do I make excuses
Stuck in a trauma bond
wanting to be free
but stuck
because I still want to believe that you love me the way you say you do
Who the fuck am I without you
