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Jack and Diane: Part 3
“So, what, is this over?” she made a gesture with her hand, making a circular motion that connected the two of them.
“Well, what do you think?” he lit up another cigarette and sucked the toxins into his body. All this arguing and unneeded stress had him craving nicotine and raw sex; he had noticed once that she was always at her best in bed when they hated each other.
“I don’t know Jack, and if I did I wouldn’t be asking. I can’t sit here and play these mind games with you; be straight forward with me because I’m not going to stand here and develop some kind of theory as to why you can’t just admit you love me, just to have you rake me over coals so you can get the thrill of hearing me scream.” God he knew how to piss her off. She couldn’t stand it when he did this, asking her to make assumptions and never really tell her what he thought or how he was feeling.
He stuck his chin out, a movement that was always brought on when she struck a nerve. He hated how she made him feel, like he was some heartless dick who didn’t care about anyone but himself. Would he honestly have held out so long if he didn’t care for her? No, he just didn’t think he had to say it for her to know it.
“You know what Diane? You can just take your pretty little ass out of here. I’m done with all this. I’m done with your constant bitching and ungrateful whining. It was one hell of a ride while it lasted but it’s over. Can’t you just accept that and move on?” this was the easy let down he had been planning? No, this was torture on them both. He didn’t want her to go like this, didn’t want to see that betrayed look in her eye that always triggered guilt within him. And he didn’t like being this person, this pitiless man who couldn’t bring himself to hold her and tell her it was all him, he was the unlovable one, not her. But it was somehow easier to let her go on thinking she had fucked it up, that she was the one who made everything so wretched for the both of them.
“Okay. Okay, Jack. But I deserve one truthful answer here; can you honestly say that as I turn to go, to walk out of your life, that you never loved me and that you don’t feel one shred of remorse that we will never be together again?” she was crying steadily, and rightfully so. He would have cried had he not always relied on his impassiveness to get him by.
“Yes.” With that one word she left the room, a little more broken than when she had entered it. So this was what it was like to know you’d be alone for the rest of your life.
He slumped against the wall, the word “liar” resounding in his head, echoing through every bone. It was an odd feeling, knowing the best thing in your life had just left through the front door with nothing to show for it but a couple of tattered memories and the broken promise to promise nothing.
