I carry an extra large coat

my throat is burning with anxiety

and the cough syrup still leaves me sober

I'm 2000 miles away from home

and my thoughts are all too common

I'm suspended over ice burning oil and scissors

200,000; a million...

the point of it all; creation

It started so well, suspended bright eyed, the wisdom of 24 hours, 36 the other shoe dropping 48 dollars, 76 added 5 miles and 40 bucks, an angry uber and an aggressive taxi

Relief of a familiar face; recognition

I learn the streets fumbling in and out of doors locking no questioning through alleys and crosswalks I'm suspended and burning my throat cuts razor bleeds phlegm

I want to cry I'm over talking, over analyzing, objectifying art and time


a home of a person known years ago

time fade adversity and creates understanding

she helps me...

same mannerisms; am I different

I'm sitting here after the leap

All I care for is the next 24 hours I will live art

We talk of art as the world

a few buildings and streets learned in a few hours

I put a price on creating, debt

The life given to a 200,000 B.M.

The life is small and expansive; it's important

We layout a box and call it the world fill in the lines and in the end judge if was a life well spent

I stay out too late and leave too early

my throat is burning...

I drink half a bottle of cough syrup and go to dinner to wake up and ground the voice in a room in a building for people who hold the key to the rest of my life in their signature

3% acceptance rate all around

They say life, art, full circle

Have a life strive for excellence

we are prestige but not pristine

She stays with me and builds me up

where does she stand

Im still suspended though I missed my train an hour back to the station I pay the way and make arrangements

I want it to be 5 years from now

or 2 hours ago

anytime but the moment I'm living

What does tomorrow promise

I get to an awkward encounter at 3 in the morning and go to an audition I don't want for a school I'd like and then an audition that I didn't want to go to

Give me money and a degree, I will create

The feeling is cold grey lime

the skin of metal scrapped against metal

the smell of dust and pressed cold air blown

A train station at 8:40; my train is halfway to New York a subway sits underneath me 200 miles away

I am home in 48 hours

That is a grey lime mute with the rest of suspension

April 1st

I gave up a long time ago

To be 19

The pretension and woes of life live on in every moment as fact and profound

I want rose colored glasses

I want the world the color of roses

my glasses fall off

first impressions lead well but nowhere

good word and talk is cheap

I want to be carried away

by acetaminophen from the bottle

Who am I to the woman sitting next to me

What do I look like

My box is filled with with colored roses

abstract and crude painted long before acceptance, understanding; actualization

filled in the middle is damp the top I want cut off; opened

the sky is beyond me

I'm in Boston and 4 hours late

I want the sky and accept rejection

I reject anything less

What does a bachelors in music get you

Give me the sky; I'll soar

I want so much I rarely think of love

182 strangers would fuck me and I them

I'm sure I'd fuck 1000 pictures and 1000 me

I hand my music to the man I met last night

I walk in the room recognized

I stand and push air, swallowing larynx, phlegm gargles

my throat is burning

they connect me to success

Have I ever exceeded

I use to shake my chest would tighten against my heart suspending Bononcini in a room worth more than my life decorated with expensive trash

Do I want pinkberry

I fill my time with meaningless spending

182 dollars, 200,000 dollars in debt

Who can afford 60,000 dollars a year

It's 1:50

I feel content

my life is balanced

I've been in an acetaminophen haze for hours and resisted sleep, I'll be in an apartment within the hour, knock on wood fucking idiot - 1:54, the train stops; shuts down. I am an omen.

Everything is going so well.

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