A Love Poem

A Love Poem

MRSA infection in my leg, it's spreading,

I keep thinking, will it continue pullulating and embedding,

Then I think, I laid naked with a unusually promiscuous girl, 

Did her vaginal juices and a myriad of my open wounds ever swirl,

Did I possibly contract HIV, then I think about MRSA,

Is this major or minor, look to the sky, no answer from Ursa,

Then I think about my life, how I am to disappointment to my parents,

How I'm not an academic, how I'm not even any of its remote variants,

How their money is basically a donation, buying me more adolescence,

Thank you, then I think, sorry grandmother, you ignore the depth of my nescience,

The book you believe I should write, I can never write,

The nutraceuticals I ingest ironically, all bark with no bite,

Then I think, I will never be successful,

Then I think, will I live long enough for it to even matter,

Then I think, life, since when was this big joke ever so stressful,

Then I think, HIV, MRSA, what have I chosen, the previous or the latter,

Then I think, am I a hypochondriac, sure, aren't we all if we care to live,

I just care so much, and to death, how pointless a life is to give,

Then I think about how I would react if told I had 5 days left, 5 years to go,

Would I kill myself, would I fail striving to be a Randy Pausch, I don't know,

Then I think about tomorrow, my classes begin, papers to be written, time frames,

How life is a bunch of concatenated Mastermind games, who cares?

Then I think about HIV, 

I think about how my girlfriend has unprotected sex me,

How she thinks I'm a hypochondriac, how she must have a lot of faith in her diagnosis,

How she would feel if I had it, would she befriend my best friend old psychosis,

I could, rather should, never forgive myself, regardless of the hypothetical outcome,

Then I think, I love my roommate, so much so I have to reroute some,

Then I think, I love my girlfriend - my boredom is an insidious, intrinsic fault,

Then I think, to be given a second chance, I would be faithful, grateful, happy eyes with salt,

Then I think, I've been down this road before, who am I kidding,

Can't hold on to it for more than a few days, this life-long attitude so befitting,

A poor track record, a poorer outlook, a downpour of whys with no answers,

All the questions lead to this dodged response, death, behind a plethora of cancers,

Diseases, starts off as a cough and some wheezes,

Ends up a rotten situation, dust the result of all my laborious concentration,

Then I think, I love my family, they've done so much for me, I cry,

The more they do, the more I let them down, an inverse proportion they lovingly deny,

I do this not on purpose, albeit completely aware of my actions,

Oxymoronic, moronic, Byronic, like the only law of attractions,

Then my leg reminds of my spreading MRSA infection, my mind of my HIV,

I want each of my brain cells to take a machine gun, and go on a killing spree,

I digress, my love and tears and stress I can't figure out how to accurately profess,

Another day, another gray-matter rampage display, another...

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