Delirious Obsession

To desire so intensely... I have lost control...

My eyes an evil gateway, teasing to satiate this black hole,

To follow, to sit in parking lots, to spy, to helplessly yearn,

I am powerless, defeated against this force I cannot unlearn,

Hell is the strongest of needs:

A single growing, infectious need - a need immune to every antibiotic,

Trapped in a vice, envious of all hungers under control and deemed demotic,

I'm a stalker, harmless to all as I sit here writing this, as I self-destruct,

To despise what I need, to loathe what I love,

To know, daily, the strings of pain will be plucked,

The hatred I feel for myself is consummate to that of my desire - we are the same,

These are the times I am most at harmony with death, for only it can make such desires tame,

I've sat in my car for 45 minutes now, waiting in pointless anticipation,

A gut-wrenching trailer, depicting a never-to-be-realized lust sensation,

To put the keys in the ignition, compress the accelerator, and drive off...

It has taken the utmost discipline to achieve these otherwise simple, mundane tasks,  

My desire: uninfluenced by opium, undissolved by THC, un-submerged by the elixirs of innumerous flasks,

I can only cry to the paper that this ink will invade,

And yes, with time, all disappears,

But until that time, I know, my ravenous craving will never fade...

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