I Don't Know

alone, and without,

silence, and nothing to drone it out,

no friends, only the ipod speaks to me,

one big blur, no more hours, days or weeks to me,

can't cry for some reason, can't make it feel better,

my pores tear up, 110 outside and wearing a sweater,

back backed up to the back of the wall, back to back like a double header,

a skull houses the rubble, wake each day but a little bit deader,

cancer looms, precursors to decomposition around each corner,

afraid we might not be able to shake hands when i meet the coroner,

people who have buddies, always somehow in a different section,

occasionally they catch it then kill it, my friendship like an infection,

live life only because i'm scared of death, that's all the 'meaning of life' i need,

24, living with my parents - a forever-aging 5' 9'' high weed,

doing nothing with the excuse of considering everything, but i'm not,

my daily calendar, a struggle to meaningfully fill even one time slot,

god to the rescue? but actions speak louder than words and i'm not convinced,

formal education laughs at me for thinking it could compete with the experienced,

surviving only via the kindness, feeling of obligation, and pity from mom and dad,

can't tell if i've already given up, might not matter either way for this college grad...

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