Reap & Sow

desires stretched in opposite directions, crushed - exhausted in the city of L.A.,

soon to leave this valley of memories, place where longings for long ago often prey,

what is love no one really knows, but if it exists it does in the form of a let down,

i've gotten so used to..., accustomed to being accompanied by you but now a frown,

you understand me, if only your body didn't fight back i want to believe,

maybe we could work it out, learn from it - learn best at how to grieve,

at this stage in life i've committed a wrong, one only punishable by karma police,

punished by myself and alone, clockwork as i watch everything i've built decease,

i've written in ink and can't erase, pulled back to the land of a 1000 guilts - 1979,

left always with a wound and void, i only ask for inside and out to be truly mine,

so torn but in the end it's you i think of, down every road i encounter your street spirit,

lets try to fix what once was 3 years ago, without you now - a future i fear it,

be with me again, although i know i can't make you love me,

but at least cherish us, what we once were - could be - so lovely,

hard to love you when it's  even harder to love myself, these words i whimper ...said sadly,

more mature than me or not as, either way ingrained in my thoughts madly,

mind frame disappointingly conventional, yet for me this you fought to lift,

but because of myself, alone i regret - amongst crystal-clear memories i sift,

look at what i've done with such ease and pain, crumbled, left high and dry,

honest to a god absent, i miss you, drifting away under this blanket of sky,

i'm writing quickly whatever comes to my mind, what i want not possible in this world,

we all must settle but settle for the best, i should have settled when i could - emotion in the fetal position curled,

you show it, i can see your total eclipse of the heart,

i hide mine away, you must dig deep and even then - you will only see part,

yes you could argue these are sweet nothings, the aftereffects of my dying black star,

i can't help but think of you, us, what we were, when i'm in bed, the cafeteria, or my car,

my lack of understanding - control - has torn us, but never love will tear us apart,

have i forced a conclusion, please say no again here i beg for a new start,

every night this last week, is this right, max how can you be sure?,

i wake every morning to the same conclusion, i chose poorly, i want you over her,

but i realize it may now be too late, as we sit trapped in a separate but equal lull,

and for this i want to cut to my bone, sever the connections, cut till the blade is dull,

i've been living in gray, an opaque world where choices are difficult - now there is nothing but darkness darkness,

crying, wading in the black of water in desolation, infested waters that never remain shark-less,

i swear you still live in my room, memories of you personify - amongst me they creep,

they hold me, comfort me, and into a dream-like state they take me into sleep,

i wish i could have everything i want, everything i desire, but right now i only wish you were here,

difficult, for i transformed a house of steel in a house of cards, and crashing to the ground they disappear,

in the course of life, my race car has stalled, lifeless, blood on the motorway,

i sleep only because i think to myself, it's possible that tomorrow is a new day.

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