Whirlwind

The whirlwind has come and gone, bolstered and built up over the course of 2 years,

Just to come crashing down in an instant, no control over it - the worst of my fears,

My white friends are the images on Jersey Shore at 2 AM, my black friends are on the tin foil,

The book is finished but I’m still crushed, writing is all I have - it too helpless against the turmoil,

The memories, so many of them, fill up my mind - all against my wishes,

I’ll never know why, you’ve kept it a secret, hidden are our relationship’s dirty dishes, 

You won’t let me clean them, you won’t let me mend what I never thought or realized was broken, 

I’ve tried my best, I’ve given my all, to be there for you in every way, I’ve never slept - always awoken,

It wasn’t enough, you don’t feel the same way about me - I wish I knew what changed,

I wish you’d be honest with me, no more empty words - I’m breaking down, deranged,

I cry myself to sleep every early morning - ask Kim, drugs and alcohol on the nightly,

I’m glad you can heal much faster, I’m glad you’ll be just fine, I’ll fade away into the unsightly,

I haven’t written in years, I haven’t felt the emotional sting of such pain in so long, 

I really thought, no, I knew, you were the one - you agreed - and all of the sudden, it all went wrong,

Your parents, those calls - I’ll never know what was said - I was purposefully kept in the dark,

Unable to stand up for myself, ignored, pushed to side - fed sweet nothings to keep me off the mark,

I’m lost, incredibly lost, as the few around me tell me it will get better - meaningless platitudes,

It might not - for a very long time, if ever - elise, how could you give in to their negative attitudes?

I really thought we had a perfect relationship - and you getting sick didn’t change that for me at all,

Drifting further away, dumbfounded, I watched you methodically place each brick into the wall,

Pathetic, how I still hope you’ll call me some day, apologize and try to mend what you’ve done,

But I’m realistic, you and your family have systematically chosen this, never again will we be one,

You were the one for me, you are the one for me, you will forever be the one for me,

I prayed to the nothingness you felt the same way, that you’d feel the same way, that you’d see,

I got a response, you responded, you’ve been responding this whole time - each deliberate action,

You’ve chosen, I wish I could have convinced you otherwise, I wish… I’ve lost all traction…

 

 

View thelohaspiral's Full Portfolio