The Bar

Memory going, beyond my age my body is showing,

Look into my eyes, no, look deeper,

Desire to live but so emotionally expensive - death far cheaper,

Been drinking for 2 weeks straight,

Makes the shit in my life look great,

In a daze all day, barely functioning, at the bar alone,

Staring into space, staring into nothing, suicide prone,

I hate the way I feel - is the alcohol helping or exacerbating it,

It's helping - taking my ballooning pain and deflating it,

Want to be ghosted like a bong hit,

Experiencing life like it's the wrong fit...


Heart of the matter,

Hate and love, meeting you was the start of the latter,

My sickly body is a thing of beauty - but only after you get used to it,

I'm like an asshole - but only after your lips get fused to it,

I live for living in my own world,

Not her, rather the vodka witnesses toes curled,

The bar, the little oasis,

The vending machine, dispensing homeostasis,

Mistakes add up, the math is transparent,

Mistakes add up, the path of the errant,

This is me, blasting music in my ear buds,

Neon bar signs keep me warm - friends duds,

Alcohol mutes the fear,

For the moment, a different direction I can steer,

I love you, I love life - too much,

Poor as shit, every date I go dutch,

Nah, better yet they have to pay,

A pathetic existence I rarely stray,

The drinks help, the dive bar atmosphere helps, the price doesn't,

If only my shit was together, I could claim that disgruntled - max wasn't,

I'm drunk, I'm okay, the day will pass,

If another one comes, if another one comes, no more can I amass,

The burden is great, the burden is unknown,

The burden is there, the burden has grown,

This entire poem has been blabbered,

Words prematurely pulled out the scabbard,

Blah fuck it, what else can anyone say,

The fringes of my world continue to fray,

Myself I betray,

The same me, a different day,

A new me, for it I pray,

Even if it comes, for long it won't stay...

I'm without friends,

Vodeka is the means to the ends,

The radio is static,

Life is enigmatic,

My actions erratic,

Death systematic,

No escape,

No escape,


Goddamn, it feels like I'm at the bar nightly,

Whatever, my attitude, because it's so unsightly,

I pay at the bar and get drinks, but that's not what I pay for,

I pay for the company, yet I speak with no one,

I pay for the atmosphere, yet I don't engage in the fun,


I'm friendless,

Tunnel vision endless,

I stare at those around me - half on their phones, the ohter half living,

In the moment, I'm stuck, try to move on but I'm not that giving,

These pathetic souls have more going for them than I do,

I'm like that million dollar seed that, despite all efforts, never grew...




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