The feeling of pain is real, it feels so real i have no issue experiencing it,

It hits you and you roll with it, you ingest it because there’s no other option,

A little bit of alcohol, a lot of alcohol, a little bit of music in the ear buds, playing loudly,

I think about my life, where I’ve led it, where it’s led me, i can’t possibly hold my head highly,

I think about how much of a fuck up i am, i think about driving from the bar without insurance,

Drunk, unhappy, but I knew this was the case, I knew this was the scenario before it unfolded - i needed no reassurance,

The only reason i feel like a piece of shit is because I am one, the accuracy is astounding,

I’ve got the evidence to back it up, beyond a reasonable doubt, evidence keeps compounding,

My head pounding, throbbing, whirling around inside itself, fighting the demons,


I can read the situations with pinpoint accuracy, my interpretations always dark but thus far always on point,

Is it that devastating? I don’t know but goddamn it feels like it, it feels so real, it feels so penetrating,

She just asked me what’s wrong, um, I don’t know - everything besides the alcohol so sedating,

She’s worried, ah don’t be silly I told her, I’m fine, 

This ain’t shit, don’t look at it like it’s some kind of a sign,

This is just the wrapping on the present, the shell of the sunflower seed,

A little bit of protection, a little bit of a sheath, 

It’s a little bit of me getting by, a little bit of me trying to hide what’s underneath,


A dollop of me figuring out what love is - with no success,

The struggle feels real, what I’m embedded in - this mess,

I’m just trying to connect and build meaning,

Trying to straighten out for someone, someone not there so I’m leaning,

Towards the underground, seems like I’m bound,

The appearance is staggering, if it’s a facade the power behind it can’t be mistaken,


Alcohol lubricates the wheels of life, on it rolling until ultimately taken…

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