For J

I'll keep you to myself, the way someone would hide a cavity in the back of their mouth.

No one has to see you or know what exists between us, but I can feel you there. 

Someone has you by the arm,

and I can do nothing but watch you sink, and drown the life I've built for us in my head.

You occupy my wanders and my sleep.

If you could only stand up and understand that the current you swim against is only so deep, I could pull you out.

It's wasted and fleeting.

I am a naive child. Children attach so easily.

I am swallowed up in your magnitude, and your easy grin.

You are such a boy.

You're so full of potential and I want to follow you all of my days,

but I can't.

I can't fight this battle.

I will never wake up and have coffee with you while we watch pointless televised trials.

We'll never pick out paint colors or have a Murphy bed.

I will never know what it's like to live and breathe the air of someone who holds your complete attention.

I will always wonder.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this years ago, when I was infatuated with a man several years older than me. He was in a long term relationship, and I was left empty handed.

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