If this is it

the mental state

that I've been long awaiting


for that someday

when we're emotionally connected

when we too can be one

and now it's here?

this is not what I had expected

this is not what I had wanted

Our emotions

should have been positively tied

so you too could share in the graces

of something we once called


You were the first

after the first

one I thought I could trust

with my inner self

only with you, I thought I was being


by waiting, until I knew you wouldn't scar it


the moment that I decided

to let it down

to let myself out

you take your knife

and carve your initials

into it

and slowly

push it back in

to wait for the next time

I think I trust you.

but will that ever be

will it ever come to this again?

will I ever think that maybe

I actually have an emotion I can call


for you?

Or will it stay in me

until we can no longer be

and until I can give it to someone

who will actually give a thought

to whether or not

it's important enough

to handle gently.

That is what I did for you.

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