Dissolve (day 78)

I try to greet you the way I always do

and like always you give me that scorching waterfall

that cascades down the sandpaper you write your rants on

which dissolves in water like my fingers would in acid

and every word you speak is just another excuse to pull the rest of your opinions out of my mouth.


I’m sorry, I did not volunteer to be your puppet or the one who writes everything down for you so you have time to keep thinking up ways to conquer the world

although sometimes I like to call myself that and think you’re worthy


I did not volunteer to be the one that stands on the doorstep waiting for you to come home

because even if I wanted to be her

when you inevitably never show up and I walk off the rough welcome mat

there’s a thornbush on my feet reminding me that no matter how long I stand there, no matter how many thorns I pick up in my lifetime

you can still hurt me worse with a single sticky note left on the bedside table that says I’m just not good enough


I can get rid of the graphite on that note with just a shred of rubber but I’d rather not

I want to keep it as a reminder that I am not this girl, I have always been this girl


Although I’d rather be that pathetic paper target than a block of salt that dissolves in water like a bullet in space

like my fingers would in acid, peeling off the skin my life force has worked so hard to replenish every day you strip it away and I let you like I’m shackled to a table

I dissolve like your words would in my garden

and they would destroy every last speck of green for miles around.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 10/12/16


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