The People I Know

I ate lunch in a restaurant yesterday

My wife sat behind me

But I didn't look at her

And I didnt' speak to her

She was wondering why she can't meet a good man

Even though I'm right behind her

I don't care

I don't even know her, my wife

Because we won't meet for another five years

(Or maybe I already know her)

There is a man from New Jersey

Very respected in the business world

And he's going to give a reading at my funeral

But he is not ready right now

Because it is 2005

And he got a detention for shooting spitballs

At a kid in his eighth grade class

(I never will meet the target)

My favorite baseball player

Who will captivate the game

And someday will smash records

That no one thought would be touched

Is ashamed of himself

Because he is in second grade

And just woke up to find that he wet the bed

And then there is my son

Who will walk in my footsteps

Who will be one of the things I cherish most

In my entire life

Who no matter what will make me proud

Beyond anything I could do myself

Is unable to walk in my footsteps

Because he has no feet

And his primary concern is where the hell

The other half of himself is

Because he's a sperm deep inside me

And all he's done so far

Is swim around, carefree and oblivious for 21 years

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