The Blind Are Less Awkward

along the same lines as Predestination... i'm walkin' back from a final today. I had just gotten penatrated, i mean this intro to western religion final turned out to be an intro to what happens if you drop the soap in a prison shower. So basically, F. Whatever, we deal. And as i'm doing my dealing, I see two girls approaching me. That's right, girls again. Is that all i think about? No, but they're a hobby of mine that's challenging. What I mean is that girls are always interesting, there is always something new about them, no matter how much sense it doesn't make, it's why guys keep going back and gettin' abused more. Not me though, i don't get abused. Its only abuse if you tell yourself it is, that's how it is in any instance.


    So these two girls are walking towards me, and one has definately been in the tanning booth since the mid 90s, probably chewing on that same piece of gum with her lip twisted upwards all the while. But who's that next to her, its the short blonde, with the perfectly fit figure, shaply curved like a vase, yet trim and athletic looking. My God, it's one of those girls who you don't even care if she catches you looking, a cookie so good that getting scolded for obviously stealing it is worth the sensuous taste. And she knows that you're looking, and does nothing, usually looks away, but you imagine that she's loving every second of it. Whether she actually does, only she knows.

    If she knows.

    So I notice her, and i stare straight ahead. That's right, try not to look at all, despite everything i just said about her beauty. But this is different, i've actually talked to this girl, she's in a class of mine, yeah, one of those, there is one in almost every class, and if there isn't one, then your mind tries to manifest the best girl into one, worthy or not. Fuck it.

    Once you've actually conversed with them, it's all over. You're not just another face, you're not annonymous. Even without a name, you're " that kid in my Tuesday class" or "the guy who knows Billy Bob" or whatever label you've earned. And then you can't stare. For some reason, you know it just doesn't feel as guiltless anymore, like its wrong to do. Creepy, maybe. Not really though, you're not harming anyone. Only in today's youth where people say what they don't mean and do what they hate to hide their true feelings is it odd. The cliche is "if looks could kill", and until that "if" is gone, then you're all set.

     I'm off track.

     So i stare ahead, but Lord, im only human...i slightly turn my head and give one of those sly eyeslides to the left to see her quickly. But i'm smooth, you see, because i caught her at the one moment where's she looking at me. And i don't think its the same kind of looking, its more of the " oh hey, i think i know that kid" look, not the " you're perfection of the male form" look. The ol' eyes slide back straight ahead in marching formation quickly, time to evacuate. Awkward eye contact has been made, just keep going asshole.

     She's almost past me when she calls out, " Hey, what's going on?"


     " Not much, you?"

     " Nothing...see you later."

     Well garsh, that was awfully nice, she didn't have to go out her way to say hi. What the fuck? I MIGHT know her first name, and i'll bet she doesn't know mine for a damn. But she still says hi. So i'm recognizable. It's okay that i looked at her, isn't she that girl from my class? Yeah, that's all i was thinking, don't i recognize her, maybe from the bar? Either way, the awkward feeling is slayed because even though she catches me looking, she said hello. It's almost like " okay, i caught you, but its okay, at least i know who you are." It's a little better if you look once you've talked to them, even if they don't know your name.


     I know.

     We all tend to do that sometimes.  


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