What I got?


What have I done, I must be the most stupid or foolish person alive to let something so secure and pure slip away from heart. I feel a dart, missing the bulls’ eye. My life is blind for I don’t see a future anymore but a blur with a curse.

I feel like I’m in a funeral but not the witness or the one in the casket, I’m the one driving the hearse leading my life into a slur. How can I be so cruel? there goes to show I was not a good listener in school.

You’re the purest of love I ever touched. What was in my mind when I went away thinking everything was fine? Looking back at my actions, I cry knowing the stunt I pulled could send me drowning into a p*ol of dissatisfaction. It hurts to know life is complicated, unfair, and it gets me frustrated. I want to give you everything that I do and don’t own. I want to make you smile all the time. I want to be your 24/7 Valentines. I want to lie in your arms, feel your heart beat as I lay my head on your chest. I want to play with your hair and stare, have dreams of you. Until you say “You put knots in my hair” It’s a fact “I want you, I need you, and I can’t live without you.” You’re the air I breathe and the cause of my suffocation whenever you leave.

I want to write little notes to you, and tell you I love you a trillion times. I want to draw pictures of hearts until one day I get it right, but I love it when I do draw, because you always say “I love you” I take that as an acknowledgement that at least I tried. I want to love you which I do, day and night.

I want to spend my life with you, and hopefully one day sit on our porch and see a lot of our mini me running around. I want to go to the beach and lay with you on the sand, while we both kiss and hold hands.

But now, Life is a rock as hard as it exists, what could I have done to be just like the sun bright and clear your sky. As the ocean waves, I’m the sand on the shore waiting to take a drink as I lay dry. I’m a painting, an image that has a thousand critics, but only one respond. I wish like the bird in the sky gliding above the hunting zone that I had another way to reach home. I feel like a tree without leaves, waiting for that right season to be loved again. I said I would never, ever, even if I was clever, I rather be a beggar than a deserter. So, we decided to abandon this love or has love abandoned us?

I speak for myself for this is no lie, like a crave man hunting to survive. My words seem confusing, but lost is what I am, no directions or map. Love threw me into a maze which appears to be a race. Time is running out, how would I live knowing to gain your trust again would be like to capture Aphrodite convincing her Cupid has forsaken this love.

I’m not King Arthur but I will try forever til I die to pull the sword that stabbed our love causing a hemorrhage of distrust, pain, and us. Believe me I rather die than to be a witness of our exodus...

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