Author Information
Untitled
Now that this situation is coming to a close,
I find myself retracing my steps,reliving the horrid memories,
remembering the smell inside the rechid hospital room, where I saw one of my only links to the world lye in bed, brain dead,
as far as I could tell unaware that her family stood there,
in shadows,denying the thought of her demise, and as I sat there by that bedside listening and watching intently, I called upon angels and pleaded with them to save her life, or if it was not in his will, than let them lead her to the gates where our father in heaven awaits, and let lucifer cast not a single stone in her direction
As I boldly approached the throne I prayed for forgiveness for the sins my mother had committed, so if it was her time to go she would not be damned to hell
As I asked the Lord to have mercy upon her I prayed for me too, because as I wept, and tears bled down my face anger crossed my heart at the knowledge that she had done what she did, using drugs trying to forget the fact that she was an unloved wife and soon to be a single mother of two kids, but now I realize that I live in a glass house and it would not be wise of me to throw stones
Despite that fact, the pain still lingers and my heart still hurts
Many times in this family affair has that saying came across my thoughts, more so when I stood before judging eyes, as they critiqued me and questioned my character, ignorant to the trails and tribulations of my life, outsiders looking in, with little knowledge of my situation
They continue to be uneducated as to the person I call Jade and the woman I call my mother, but its too late for apologies, anger, resentment, and sorrow filled my soul as I picked up the razor blade and slashed my arm to watch the blood trickle from the wound that I created
I set out to see if there was any truth to cutting, but I soon found that the external pain was no match for the sorrow I felt inside, and the scar was left there symbolic of the emotions I still feel sometimes inside
So many mixed emotions when it comes to me and family, Sometimes I feel so far away from them in both distance and emotion, With them I shed many tears both happy and sad, They are drawn to me and I to them.....well sometimes, I can't help but be alone sometimes though, can't help but pull away, I'm a victim of the serenity of my mind
Sometimes I look at mommy smiling, but then the skeletons in my closet creep up on me, the memories I can't help but to remember and once again my eyes get heavy, and I'm seeing her through blurred visions, No matter how I try to contain them, emotions get me caught up and a single tear falls from eye, I won't allow myself more than that
Someone once said the eyes are the window to the soul, so I sleep constantly keeping the shades closed, to afraid to be seen,
Through all experiences are lessons learned...........so here's one for you
Todo Para La Familia
