planning my days...

On that day, the one we can’t forget, we were all in our own worlds

I remember having it all planned out, what I was gonna do, wear, and see…. who would watch my babies… I had a foolproof plan… or so I thought….

Smash! Uh oh… let’s get out the way…I love you mommy, I love you Jas, I love you Papi, I love you mommy, I love you Jessie, I love you mommy, I love you mommy…. Mommy…..MOMMY!

I love you Papi, I love you John boy! Ha!

Wait a minute, hold on….. OH MY GOD!

Flip flop….. Sliding darts of shattered glass…. it’s dark… my back realigned…. Something’s wrong but nothing hurts… Fear drives its deep larger than life stake into me… Thank you Jesus!....Where’s my babies?... Hallelujah LORD!... where’s my babies, I can only hear one… Yes LORD, Yes Father, Glory unto you!

Only one voice… Why only one?

My life shattered and changed forever

Why did it matter that he left me?

Why did it matter that I had no job?

Why didn’t he respect me?

Why could I not just have a NORMAL LIFE like the rest of the world?

Why do I have to be the victim?

Am I missing the point?

MY 3 real unconditional loves damaged and torn apart-

2 forever young and beautiful, 1 left to wish, wonder, and achieve

FORCED to view my left and right ventricles hardened in boxes like dolls

Forced to show order and civility, when all I wanted was to scream out in chaos

Can I live like before, calm, free and relaxed?

Can I stop pacing the floor, looking for them to return?

I must look ahead, bite my lip, pray to GOD for deliverance, strength, courage, wisdom, peace, understanding, peace, and LOVE as I continue to plan my days…..

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