I've grown up

gotten boobs.

had my first

and second

pregnancy scare.

I've been falling down drunk

and participated in an orgy

I've been an aunt

a lover

a fuck

a blow.

I've cheated,

said horrible things

to my mother,

my sister, my lovers,

and cut myself to ribbons

with a straight edge.

I've held a job

I've been fired.

I've pierced my tongue,

and my ears. twice.

worn high heels

and lacy thigh-highs

with nothing else but a smile.

I've broken hearts,

and buried loved ones.

I've traded gossipy high schoolers

for gossipy co-workers.

I've cried bitter

salty tears,

and smiled through them

to wave goodbye.

I've had an affair

with a married man

and fucked him

in an elevator

and on my couch

and floor

and my sister's back seat...

I've worn short skirts

with no panties.

I've felt guilty

and righteous.

I've watched girls take off their clothes

to Tool and Britney Spears

and enjoyed every minute of it.

I've dealt with scrutiny

and scandal.

Gone home with strange men.

And I wish I could be in love

the way I was when I was sixteen

And felt like

the whole world

would end if I didn't hear your voice.

I've read old, tattered mementos

of another life.

And I've this terrible

sinking feeling in my stomach

because I'm only twenty

and I can't remember what

being in sixteen and in love

really felt like

I've forgotten

what your voice sounded like

and your last name. but I can

remember how you smelled

and how startlingly like mine

your eyes were.

2:42 06-29-05

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