To The Marred And Vacant See [Repost]

1

Your roommate, having reached his senior year,

declared, with a pompous authority,

that no one who "chattered on a c.b."

could speak in academic, scholarly

terms; with no hope of credibility.

Seniors, then, spoke with full impunity;

nor could be questioned by freshmen like me.

But I did question:  you became quite cross,

demanding, at once, an apology---

which I refused.  We parted company:

as then, so now---although a memory,

your absence from my life was no great loss.

The future I did not then, nor now, fret.

But, in this present, the internet

displays my poems (and some are scholarly:

the Whitechapel ripper; "Q"; Early Christianity---

foremost):  and some of them too long deferred

or postponed.  Laugh at them; pretend to be appalled;

to be offended by the reading experience: 

who are you to condemn, you crude whore:

ensconsed in your own, self-proclaiming lore?


 

I defy you, and sign them  . . . henceforth . . . J-Called.


2

A friendship that was not meant, nor intended,

to be no more than a cheap ruse, pretended,

in order to achieve insinuation,

can never be restored, repaired, or mended;

 

nor worthy of a courteous conversation.


3

Without the half-pints, we would not appreciation full gallons.

Without the jackasses, we would not elevate the stallions. 

A meal of cabbage rolls will bring out after-dinner farts.

A functional timepiece is more than just its wind-up parts.

Among the haberdashers, where the well-suited reside,

 

the failed coat-tailers pull thumbs out of bungs to catch a ride. 


4

The edges of my life, that year, had been tainted

by your smug and ubiquitous intrusion,

now and then.  How much I wish we had never been acquainted: 

Christ knows how often I wish it, and with such profusion.


5

I was not, then, so naive to miss the comical irony

of your self-righteous but self-serving hypocrisy:

that certain rights of speech, which you claimed entirely yours,

did not in any way or form redound to me. 

And how this led to such delicious metaphors . . . .


6

With no excuse and no apology,

and certainly no lucid explanation,

offered regarding your hypocrisy---

namely that you and those you deemed to be

fully possessed the right of liberty

to think and speak exactly as you pleased,

with no restriction placed on your expression

along with the demand and expectation

that all your words were worthy of respect.

And that these same conditions---in your view---

did not obtain for all (all being me).

At table, I was told to know and keep

my place at all times, until otherwise

instructed or permitted.  I might not

deny nor even question those seniors

who were seated around me.  Every right

entitled them, and only them, to tell

me where---from their perspective---I fell short.

They thought even the practice of my Faith

was theirs to criticize, and their duty

to show me the deep errors of my ways.

We disagreed so much as to what is

Love's nature, and the proper forms of verse.

And when you flung your crudest slurs at me,

I was not given opportunity

to make reply.  In front of others, you

accused me of putting my poetry

into the service of perversity

(that was the nature you believed to be

innate to citizens' band radio):

and to defend myself, or disagree---

was, in your view, a vindictive, vengeful

gesture.  You did not share my spiritual

beliefs; nor yet considered yourself a

Christian; yet felt that you were competent

to criticize what you believed to be

my failures in the practice of my Faith---

even citing to me the Scriptures that

you felt I violated, although you 

gave them no credence for and from yourself.



J-Called

[*/+/^]

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I now realize how instructive this painful experience was---not, perhaps, for the immediate situation of my four undergrad years, but as a prefigurement of human behavior in the future. The person I name here as Marred Vacant See (meant to be a c.b. handle despite his contempt for that form of communication) was a senior that year, and at first I felt honored to be included at the table over which he presided in the dining hall.  However, he felt that he, given his seniority and knowledge, had both the privilege and responsibility to say anything that he wanted; but that same privilege did not extend to underclassmen at his table, and especially to me. With regard to his opinion about the c.b. radio, and those who conversed on it, I felt that having not participated, and actually disdaining it as beneath his dignity and of no redeeming interest to him, he had no right (and definitely no moral authority) to question, or advise, me about how I might speak to others on that device.  He seemed to believe that he had a special responsibility to point out what he believed to be the failures and shortcomings of others at the table.  Should a "side" conversation happen between two members of that table, he would insinutate himself almost immediately.   I found this ludicroust.  But his disrespect toward, and disdain for, my First Beloved (who, of course, was in my home town and not present on campus) was, more than any of other demonstration of his several prejudices, intolerable.  After that particular night, I did not attend that table again.  He and I did, unfortunately, take a class in common during the final term of that year (and, of course, that was the last term of his undergrad career).  He had spoken, early in our acquaintance, of departing the country in order to live in a totalitarian nation that was closer to his political beliefs; and, shortly after his presumed defection to that land, it erupted into tremendous political turmoil.  I have not heard anything about him; I have prayed for him prior to editing this poem.

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