On Sunday, June twenty-second, I wept.
The afternoon rain had past. The sun, beginning to set,
filled the sky with the effulgence of its light:
I doubt I shall ever entirely forget
that scene---in my memory safely kept.
An overwhelming sense of despair
(inappropriate for that evening when my adolescence began),
inconsolably, I wept---
believing that the delight that is Love
would not reach me there.
I felt as if my heart had leapt
into my throat and would be forever caught
in that gullet. I turned to prayer
as the stars began to emerge in the sky above
my parents' house (in which I was not allowed to walk barefoot):
to clumsy words I brought
this first emotion, whose presence
was mocked by unfamiliarity
and a sense of existential futility,
inappropriate to the emergence of my adolescence
on that very day.
I could not put
my soul's position into words. In the slow hours of that night,
(when the pastel colors of that late-spring ran
into a smear of metallic or concrete gray)
when I should have slept,
I mourned the presumed absence from my life of Love.
So, I lay in my solitary, melancholic bed . . . and wept.
J-Called