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Thoughts 2
Expressions dropped like hot potatos because a fear entraps this smile- inward. A secret feeling like the one i felt when he looked into me and i was so afraid that he knew that secret. His eyes knew too much, so i thought that if i could just stare into their brilliance it would miraculously be reflected back to me. It would be terrible- like when Eve bit deep into that God-forsaken fruit just to find that innocense once had a value.
So i savor those secrets like a shell on a beach of memories that always lead back to those callosed hands leading me...
But i need to act tough!
Because you can't hurt me! But my hand shakes as i write this because once again i showed the punching bag who was boss. Damn bruises excuse me from expolsion and i wonder how many people know how defenseless i really am...even thinking about you takes away my defenses so that i am really just a little girl waiting to be found in this mess of hollicosts. Soon enough i will be placed in a gas chamber wondering why i never took the risk of escaping my pitiful funeral.
can i borrow your mask today? no one can know that i am not smiling right now because then they might SEE me.
so who is the addict now? as i run startled by my own energy when only a moment ago i wondered how often i existed.
opening up my mouth and i try to decide what to say, but my tongue is taken aback by yours and i forgot to speak. I wonder for how much longer your arms will hold me...
well, that's a hush hush thought because i am supposed to trust him to be my harmony. You'll never know a sweet thing until you taste it- but that works both ways...
i'm scared
and holding my hand won't help! i am confident in my ability to stay calm right now...3...2...1...but what if you were the one? shit. what does that mean anyway? if there is one thing i can pray right now it is that you aren't lying to me...i don't want to be your helpless pawn on a board of confusion. ready...set...play- and may the hardest heart win.
didn't the human race learn their lesson a long time ago? but i feel it coming- like one of those aweful sneezes waiting to happen- look at something bright and it comes.
well this isn't a comic strip of clever fairy tales from bazooka bubble gum...recycling what i don't need to save...
