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I used to think it okay to sin just a little bit.
After all, I am doing so much of what God “expected” of me.
I do love my neighbor. I do treat people that way that I want to be treated (well most of the time).
I attend church regularly, I sing in the choir. I give God the glory for His continual blessings and I have anyhow praise in the midst of my storms.
I taught my children to love God, to trust Him and to pray. I brought others to Christ, taking busloads of people to church and bible school with me from the time that I was a little girl.
I feed the needy, open my home to those who do not have anywhere to go. I am that cheerful giver that the bible says God loves.
Surely my “good works” should be enough for God to overlook a few of my sins,
Surely my good works will compensate for this insatiable attraction that I have for a married man.
He’s unhappy and she does not treat him well. The marriage was void of intimacy and lacks the passion that husband and wife should share.
I have all of that to give Lord, yet I am alone. I have come to realize that not everyone is deserving of my love and attention, yet I feel that he is. And that my heart would be safe with him.
His marriage is broken Lord, and I am alone. Surely these extenuating circumstances count as an exception. Right?
Wrong! The Word says, “Thou shall NOT commit adultery.” It DOES NOT say thou shall not commit adultery except for when the marriage is bad, or loveless, or broken or because you are feeling alone and forgotten.
We become masters of creating justifications when we want to have our way and convince ourselves that God will label our sins something other than sin because of our foolish and self -serving reasons.
Truth is, we cannot change the will of God nor do we have the power to overrule or re-write what has already been written and approved by God.
No means no. It is not upon conditions, nor open for modification from feeble minded people such as ourselves.
Oh how I wanted to love him. How I wanted to throw caution to the wind when he touched me in all the right places.
I tried to shut down that voice that was my conscience that kept saying, “This is wrong,” but I couldn’t.
It felt so good, I wanted it, I needed it, but that voice was kicking my behind and I believe his too. We just stopped.
Thank you, Jesus! We stopped before we reached the point of no return. We stopped before we created a false since of satisfaction that would be constructed on everything that is wrong and ungodly.
Now I can truly love him and he me. Because it is not tainted and we do not have to feel uncomfortable.
It was never my position to right the wrongs of his marriage or provide “that kind” of comfort to him; and would only create a whirlwind of confused emotions that would take us further and further away from the will of God.
In choosing the way of Christ and turning away from our flesh, loneliness, emptiness, and (dare I say it) lust, we position ourselves for God to step in and give us the desires of our hearts according to HIS will and His way and not our own.
Praise Be To God for the revelation.
Robin P. 11/26/11
