I'm Eric Cartman

I'm Eric Cartman and I'm an evil little bitch.

My mom is poor, she certainly isn't rich.

She posed nude in a magazine because she's a Crack Whore.

She couldn't afford to buy me an IPad and that made me sore.


After I lied on DR. Phil, Apple was about to give a Human CentiPad.

But they got an order to disassemble it and that really made me mad.

I started cursing God and he struck me with lightning.

I won't ever mess with him again, he's too frightening.


Many people hate my guts because I'm a racist punk.

When I offended a girl classmate, my ship was sunk.

She beat me up because she's a tough little Lass.

I tried to fight back but she kicked my sorry ass.


I certainly don't have a heart of gold, I'm a terrible lad.

People wonder how a nine year old boy can be so bad.

If you do something bad, I'll rat you out because I'm also a snitch.

I will not change my ways, I'll continue to be an evil little bitch.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem is based on the South Park cartoon.

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