Break me down


Sometimes when the dark sets in,
my mind begins to wander.
Thoughts from the past, memories all so clear,
return to haunt me in my solitude.
Before I know it I'm lost and alone,
the walls begin to raise.
I can't find words to say,
just watch people passing by,
a ghost drifting through the day.
There are times that silence just seems to stretch,
that I'm groping for my voice,
some way to call out, prove I'm still here,
I'm still alive.
I can't trust, it's too incomprehensible.
I can't cry, there's no reason to.
No smiles, but its not forced either.
I'm locked inside somewhere I can't explain,
it's not hurting me to be by myself.
I guess I should find a reason to find some kind of light,
a window, the doors are all sealed up tight.
I can't ever look people in the eye,
it's not comfortable, I don't even know why.
What does that say, if the eyes are the window to the soul?
Is mine even there anymore?
I'm not me when I'm in my head,
or maybe I am, I don't even know which is which,
I just go back and forth instead.
Break me down, I need an escape,
the silence is suffocating me.
The memories begin to scream,
claw and tear at me.
I want to care. I already do.
But that part of me is too far,
too hidden to see through.
I want to find all the words that are slipping through my grasp,
break me down, release some sound at last.
I need to find a way through,
something to tether me to the outside world,
I can't always depend on someone else to bring me back.
Wake me up, call my name, break me down,
before I let myself go insane.
Everything I say is not enough,
even now there's more that is stuck.
I've tried now, my deed is done,
the battle is neither lost nor won.

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