Parts of me

Something's wrong with me,
feel it deep down in my blood,
can feel it in each tortured scream.

What is wrong with me,
why do I need the chaos to function,
I seem to live my life on my knees.

The slightest touch of tenderness,
my guard is up, I'd give anything to ignore that feeling.

Dancing on fire and brimstone,
addicted to the pain and misery,
pathetic slave to the devil's bed.

Love and affection makes me want to flee,
sweetness and faith are something I can't grasp,
both are too good for one such as me.

Always walking the line between two extremes,
finding a balance between reality and dreams.

Like a trained mutt I come when the darkness calls,
eagerly awaiting another kick,
so used to pain being my only friend as night falls.

Salivating, craving attention like a mindless pet,
hoping for a treat, faithful servant,
a whim to my own failures.

Fear is my scarlet letter,
it's in everything I do and think,
its the shock collar around my neck.

Maybe we're all victim of our own mistakes,
incapable of forgiveness, undeserving of change.

Feet firmly planted in place,
ignoring the jingle of the bell,
fighting with myself,
I won't give in, I won't return to hell.

Forgive me for my moment of weakness,
I didn't mean a word I said,
my first reaction isn't to soothe,
instead to lash out.

Breaking the pattern,
finding a different path through the woods,
I will break this habit, I will learn,
even if it's the last thing I do.

Classic conditioning won't get the better of me,
I'm struggling too hard to be free.

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