Arguments with an irrational mind


Laying in the dark,
a storm rages through my head,
too many thoughts, memories and words left unsaid.

Let it go, its in the past.

(I can't.)

Forgive and forget.

(Easy for you to say.)

Feel it and move on,
why are you grieving,
clinging to what's already gone?

Let the dead lie,
honor the fallen,
rest in peace,
keep on breathing.

(I wish I could but I can't.)

(The ghosts follow me, come to me in the night, torment and drown me once I'm in their sight.)

I couldn't control it,
it wasn't my choice.

(You turned away, you ran and look what happened, its all your fault.)

No! Its not..

Is it?

My strength is fading fast,
walking a thin line,
a tightrope suspended over a chasm.

The wind could blow me either way,
I'm struggling to maintain balance every day.

I know the truth,
know I befriend my guilt,
nurture my pain like a lover, feed my own addictions.

I know that some of it is gone,
but I'm still learning to face the memories,
I'm still learning to feel as I move on.

My progress is slow,
hesitant, but I won't give up.

Arguing with myself, the line between good and evil,
comfort and love.

I confuse them sometimes, pain with pleasure.

If I'm hurting, surely that's normal?

One day I'll get it all straight,
one day I'll be able to let sleeping dogs lie.

Until then, I continue to war with myself,
continue to face my fears, one day, (one step) at a time.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes things happen that we have no control over but grief is very rarely rational

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