Thoughts that surround me


I've had to learn a lot of lessons over the years,
the difference between guilt and shame,
love and hate, balancing light and dark.

The one I'm trying to learn now is the line between comfort,
compassion and love.

Which is better,
compassion or brutal honesty?

I could spend days trying to find the answers
to questions that have none but when it comes down to it,
love isn't supposed to make sense.

Its not something that can be thought about or reasoned,
it runs deeper than that.

There's a line between comfort and love,
but for the life of me I can't find it.

I'm screwed either way,
too bad I don't care enough to mind.

I think the key to understanding people,
gaining their trust is moderation.

Knowing when to push, when to retreat,
or when you need to push anyway, whether they want it or not.

You can't make someone trust you,
only give them the option and chance to,
the security in knowing that you'll respect their choice,
still stand beside them.

Figuring out which is needed,
weighing risk versus gain.

I recognize the feel of the chains that bind me,
their weight is crippling, the pain unbearable.

A familiar voice taunts me,
says that all I have to do is cry to be found,
then the torment will ease.

I refuse to sacrifice another to share my fate,
if the price of their mercy is pain,
I would gladly take it than watch them hurt.

He says he wants to be sacrificed,
I'd give anything to deny him that one request.

What is the price of loyalty?

Of compassion and mercy, sympathy, affection?

Are they worth the price of pain for even a moment of relief?

Nothing is ever freely given I've been told, its true yet not.

Some things are given unselfishly, purely,
but they always come with a price.

If you can ease another's suffering,
even at the expense of the agony you endure so they won't have to,
is it worth it?

Crying inside, your anger burns your soul,
love isn't real, isn't for you to hold.

Reach out to touch you only to pull away,
you can't bear the feel of affection,
at least not today.

See through all the masks,
still I find beauty, don't you hate that I know you,
don't you hate that you can't hide?

Love has scalded you inside, don't you wish it would end,
wish I'd have let you be, that the warmth had died?

Don't you?

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