The Suicide King

Literary Passages


'The Suicide King'


"I shall become the Suicide King,

taking with me to the grave my only dream"



Why do I poison my body in such a way? Sometimes I wonder if coke or some of the other illicit drugs would be better for me than pills, I was born a pharmaceutical baby, and I shall die a pharmaceutical simpleton. I resented the pills that were forced down my throat yet now I am volunteering my own future in a gamble destined to lose, what happened to make me do such a 360 back down the wrong path?


Some would say I am aware of my own addiction, my own plight, and therefore correct it, overcome the addiction or just plain stop, to me I am truly not addicted to the pills or the drugs. I am addicted to the ecstasy that is the peace my mind gets from those drugs. but that is not to say I cannot stop, on the contrary I've gone weeks even months without taking a single pill or smoking, but its then the nightmares worsen, those dreams you want to end before they even begin. A chip forms over my shoulder like the morning dew, and I become bitter and angry at nothing in general but just to be mad, to show aggression to 'vent' the thoughts become clearer at this stage and I see just what kind of monster my mind can make me out to be, and I fear this more then my own death. That is not saying much however, so it would be safe to say my one true fear is seeing this 'monster' unleashed with no way to vent other than writing and as much as I hate to say this, writing alone does not squelch the pain, the thoughts and the horrid desires. So I use, and some would say I use heavy. I know my limits and I reach them each time grasping for just an inch higher as if my fingers are stretching for an invisible object.


I have been writing a lot lately about drugs, and particularly my drug use. This is because I see it becoming a slight problem, others would say I had a big problem but I know my body and I know what is best for myself no one can tell you what is good for you but yourself, When you reach the age your mind opens for the first time and you experience self awareness you are responsible for your actions, and ultimately your thoughts. and it is in those that my damnable offenses are made. I sometimes wonder if my death will even grant me the peace I so desire, that when I die my thoughts will damn me to a hell, an eternity far worse than the one I am living now. I try and block out such thoughts as the horrible images and grotesque fantasies, but the harder I fight them the stronger they become.

Why should a thought a fleeting image or word haunt someone to the point of suicide? because the world and its inhabitants are judgmental and hypocritical. The world will just soon as label you then to deal with you. It's easier for them to live their lives this way, If it doesn't affect them directly they would just as soon turn their heads or watch with content as if watching it on T.V. If it were some reality show. Drama and emotional quaffs they can laugh at but knowing deep down they have their own demons to fight, some few are lucky they don't have to face nearly as many sharp talons and teeth as some of us and some poor soldiers fall in the line of battle. A suicidal mockery of the whole system, telling the world that it did not work for them, yet the fallen are gone and fail to see the world turn their heads away once again, passing it off as if a little kid fell and scraped his knee.



Drugs; there are fourteen definitions for that word. Mainly referring to the use of a substance to cure a problem and I do just that, I take a drug or drugs to cure my own ailing infections, weather it is physical or mental. Society made a lot of drugs illegal for their potential for abuse, I say legalize all drugs and if the person abuses them, then that is his or her own doing. If the drug drives them to steal, then arrest them for stealing or whatever crime it is they had committed but to arrest someone for debasing themselves takes away our given right to live, for we are born individuals and shall die individuals, a mother and father (not always the case unfortunately) is there to instill the values of life into you, to help you better manage your life as you age.



Yet for the government to take a mans life from him by throwing him behind bars to rot like molding bread in the fridge for defacing his own body mind you, 'HIS' own body not theirs then the world's lucky men and women can be your nanny, your mother, your father, and even your god. Why let a man or woman with no more standing on this planet called earth tell you how to run your own life? Another example would be the United States (not sure about other countries) seat belt law, I can completely understand for minors under the care of their providers example, mothers and fathers to be buckled up, yet when you reach that age of maturity or in the governments eyes the age of 18 or is it 25 now? It should be up to the individual to want to wear said seat belt or not, I've seen many cases where they help, and just as many where it was the reason the victims had died.




'Hang on tight, your going for a ride

It's called the game of suicide

doesn't matter how you play the act

just as long as you know your not coming back


It's a dangerous dance

a deadly romance

A love to feel alive,

yet can't wait to die

what is your method of disposal

for when your finished a master piece will be composed

I'm not scared to admit my poison

a slow death, of pills and rum

So no point to run

My life is no work of art

in fact it's falling apart

but I still smile and look towards the future

forgetting about the past, my hellish rapture


Pills and Alcohol

needles are not my call

my mind numbs, and the thoughts regress

and now peace starts it's progress

healing the scars, tending the trauma

do they not realize, today is their prize

as tomorrow holds no promises

after all it's only common sense'



I am fully aware of what I am doing to my body, as I do not need anyone to tell me how to run my life. I often wonder if my friends will force me to go to rehab. Then I ask myself how I will handle that, I have sworn up and down I will never go to a rehab center in my life, maybe they will do an intervention on me, I've thought about that one as well and came to the conclusion that it will just go in one ear and out the other. I do not need anyone telling me how to run my life, I do what I do because I know what works for me. Yes I am fully aware of the consequences of my actions, yet I am old enough to take responsibility for such actions. It all boils down to just one thing. It is my body, MY life and my choice on how to live it. The reasons are there as to the question why. I've said them more times than I care to admit.



'We are all Kings of Suicide, find your poison and you will find your crown'

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another passage of my random thoughts, and once again swimming in a pool of Drugs......



(Updated; Taken from Psycho- Confessions)

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