Children of Sin

Literary Passages

I am not addicted to the Pot, the Grass, Ganja or even the Marijuana. Hell I'm not even addicted to the drugs, its the empowerment, the loss of emotional ties. When your mind swells but there is nothing within it. Tormenting thoughts become gentle waves over a vast ocean of untapped ideas, thoughts and desires.

Addiction affects us all weather we know it or admit to it, There is something we all enjoy doing to the point it can cause us harm, or unneeded stress. Visions of Fire dancing in your head a Deadly game none the less. It's a poison that eats at the very core of our being, one can over come an addiction but will never truly dispose of its prowess over us.

"We are the Children of Sin

Slowly the Poison seeps in

A battle wages on

within your mind, are you strong?"

To be trapped in your own mind for some can seen like heaven, for others a living nightmare twenty four hours a day, seven days a week And yet we continue to walk forward when all we want to do is fall back, I have seen days of Suicide, and Nights of insanity. When you crash to the bottom and want to continue digging you realize what your life, your very soul is worth. You ask yourself 'do I deserve to live?' 'do I deserve to breath?' Questions, thoughts turned south now haunting your very existence to this world. Through all your convictions your accomplishments and goals, the only answer you can come to think of is 'I was born', Is that reason enough to live? No Desire to survive? Climb a little higher in this endless void each stone you grasp you come to realize is an important part of your life. Some are lodged so deep into the surface you cannot pull out, but others can fall with just a gentle touch. Each stone represents a part of your being. Now what?

Do you toss out ones you want just to climb higher? the end result which is ultimately Death anyway? or do you Sacrifice, choose which stone to grasp onto and hold on, praying it doesn't break lose of this faulty dirt. When you open your eyes and notice you are still alive, still breathing do you take another gamble, jump for a higher stone? or test the ones around you?

Life is full of questions, and endless self discovery, But how do you find who you are? you see yourself in a mirror, the Skin, follicles of hair, the bones that make your teeth. But is that image really you? Should you have five inch horns or a golden halo hovering over your head?

should you have Angel wings? or falling feathers? The battle between good and Evil, black and White but there is no line? Where did the line go?, there was no line to begin with. for good and evil are not black and white, there can be valor in sin and love in hate.

No man is better than the other, I don't care who you are your no better than john doe walking down the street, title and money does not make you any more superior than the hobo living down the block.

Amazingly though how odd it is that no matter how old you get there will be one person who makes you feel as though your life is meaningless and theirs the whole universe centers around. I will not name names of people who are like this but needless to say more than half the worlds population will take part in this category of people. I most likely among them, Why would I admit this? because I will not be a hypocrite and I know for a fact at one point in my life I've made another person feel like his life was a pile of raw sewage. I will not apologize for it however, nor will I make excuses, I cannot think of a particular time but I am pretty sure the dick deserved it anyway, so I don't and won't take it back. It's a part of me now, it's my history. It's little things like that, that make you who you are. A man can be a hero and not have any powers what so ever, all he would have to do is brighten one person's world. The Act of Kindness is almost all but lost on this generation, and looks bleak in the next. Someday, sometime a person is going to do an act of kindness upon another person and they will not even know how to respond or to react to such an act. Even today people question other's motives, as if they have a hidden agenda behind it. and unfortunately nine times out of ten that is the case, everyone trying to get ahead in life not caring who they step on to get to the top. Survival of the Strongest never died, it only evolved into a whole new way of lifestyle.

'Leaving me to my thoughts, Life a bad acid trip my mind starts to rot.

The tears they never come, closing my eye's wishing to go numb. Sitting alone, I seldom read

however tonight, I feel the need to bleed. Like a tide of ecstasy my writing, liberates and sets me free. I can still feel the pain, now matter how high you get its still the same. A mask thats to heavy to wear, and a twisted thought nobody will care. Running until you die, proving your life was just a lie.'

"Tormenting voices being said

disturbing thoughts coursing through my head

beaten, broken, used and abused

all while your still the one confused

Acid, Pills, Meth, and booze

Suicidal devices for your use

A gamble your ultimately going to lose"

I can sometimes foresee my own death, a grand mockery of the whole system. A body that came from this earth that will return to this earth, maggots feasting on the flesh breaking down the process of life. 'What happens when we die?' I do not know this answer, nor will I base my life around a book written by a man who might have had a little to much wine. I consider myself a Spiritual Atheist, seeings how at this present time there are no mass religions I can commit to. Yet I will not give up the possibility of there being something more out there, after all we are just one Marble in a massive universe at least thats how the Discovery channel made it out to be. I find a lot of people actually fear death, and even more with the fear of not completing their goal in life. They know rather more like aware, as a child is aware of what a criminal is. That death is just a second before their eyes and always ready to catch you when you fall. Tomorrow is no guarantee only the promise of it.

'oh lord on high, the divine right rid me of these demons that plague me tonight

Oh great spirit, Holy entity grant me peace and take this pain from me'

I could never fully understand a persons fascination with a higher power, something better then themselves. We are all damnable yes, we are all corruptible yes. but we also have the knowledge to become better. What if there was no 'God' when you died, and instead just became something 'More' or 'better' and I'm not talking reincarnation, There are many mysteries in this world and most cannot be explained even to this day, for instance Gravity, many theories are based on this subject most can be highly plausible, But still lacks any solid facts. Things we cannot explain we instantly pin towards 'god' or his creation, As intelligent people we are aware that most things exists for a reason, and most use the reasonings as deductions for the questions at hand. yet sometimes, in an odd time of life there is something that has no reason, 'no purpose' a Random anomaly. Then what, do we pin god's label to it? Why can't things exist just to exist, why must there be a reason to it?

If there was no reason to a Random Anomaly then there might possibly be no reason why we are here, breathing this fine pine air. A lot of people, more than those that care to admit are scared of this possibility, that their life, their whole existence is a Random Anomaly and they fear it. Now I don't want to sound bad when I say this but when I think about that, it doesn't bother me, to think we might be a freak accident, that when we die the lights go out, Nothing just ease to exist, However on that note, thats just a possibility and one thats not to high on my list actually, but the reasoning is there as to why it does not bother me, for I have thought myself to enjoy my life in the present, the future is tomorrow and the Past is just that, forgotten time, highlighted memories of good and bad days. and Five days from now the pain I felt today, tonight will be just another memory. It took me years and years and the love of a very special woman to train my mind in this fashion, to look at life from different angles and not see the shades of black and sorrow.

So I had conquered my depression, but it had manifested itself in a new vise, a will to destroy me all together. I feel its tug on me every day but I still just smile and look forward to what may lay before me, I am fighting an endless battle and for once in my life I feel like I am on the winning side, moments before the final charge.

"One day a voice will be heard, And a new vision cleared

and one day, a dieing man will become free

and on that day, that man shall be me"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was in the mood to write, and stoned so This is what you get :) just some of my views....

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