The Dream within a Nightmare

Literary Passages

The Dream Within a Nightmare

'A dedication to the only Woman who truly captured my heart'

The old Shaman danced about the fire with a fury all his own chanting in a tongue I could never begin to comprehend. The tent moderate in size but offered little in the battle of the smoke, as it would slowly engulf the room before drifting on up out the top. As the shaman danced his beads struck each other causing a music all to their own, he had placed some stalks down onto the fire, it did not take long for the fierce flames to grab the dried substance as the Smoke thickened and bellowed out the top.

It did not take long before my lungs were filled with this beautiful herb, Cannabis Saltiva, but tonight a herb for a body has been crying out only to land upon deaf ears.

My eyes settle to a dark reddish tint, glazed as I watch the Shaman continue to dance, however no longer are his words unfamiliar to me, in fact quite opposite they burn my soul hotter then the fire before me.

"Dance with me, in this hour

take a breath, a moment of power

and I will share with you the secrets of this flower"

Was it the smoke, or was it the chanting of the shaman. I will never know but my ears are filled with words of all shapes and sizes, Rhymes with no purpose or meaning all spewing forth as if exploding from the fire itself.

"Come Dance with me in this eve of haze

As we navigate Life's uncharted maze"

The tent starts spinning but I shortly realize that it was I, that was spinning, dancing slowly around the fire, as if it hypnotized my very soul. the flames sporadic yet true my sight started faded in and out, as I felt my head become light. my fingers and toes growing numb as the last

words I heard before darkness took me.

Here I stand, with an out stretched hand

A promise I made, through the love you gave

So many tears you cried

So many you've loved have lied

a scar so deep, that dreams shatter in a heart beat

and I come to late. I had not seen it before

when we first met, and how you needed so much more

Don't give up, Don't let go

There's something you should know

that when your heart turns to stone

is when you truly become alone

hallow and numb, I speak from experience

Finding my way with no guidance

Maybe I'm wrong, that I don't really understand

or maybe I misunderstood, but I still stand

with my out stretched hand

or I could be right, giving you a reason to fight

either way, Theres so much I wish I could say

"It's a Glance, A forbidden Romance

Its a Kiss, Everything in which I miss

In a World I thought could never exists"

I gave you the rose

the next step is yours

will this moment fade

because of a past you cannot change

will this be how it ends

a dream fading into a memory

with time slowly drifting them apart

but you will always be within my heart

As the days go by, we will talk less

until that last letter is processed

and a dream is slowly put to rest."

The room slowly comes into focus I know where I am. The white walls tell a story all by themselves, I am sitting at a round table, high above my head in a corner a small TV sits playing the movie 'Galaxy Quest' a re-run now for about a week and a half. I hear noise coming from behind me as I turn I see the nurse about to let out a few of the patients for a smoke break, I had just smoked my last cigarette a few hours ago and I had no money to buy anymore. I was aggravated by the fact I felt confined unable to go outside on my own, only when the Nurses or attendants wanted to go out and smoke or sit with us. I had realized the first couple of nights my freedoms were no more, and after I had sat in front of the judge that day hearing his words as he slammed his gavel down condemning me to stay even longer, spewing obscurities like 'you are unfit to care for yourself' as if my own life up until now was a complete disaster.

I spoke with the doctor 'today', he had me explain to him how I felt. basically outline my depression for him. he rather shocked me with the notion that I suffer from Dysthymia disorder and a bad one at that. that was also when I heard him say he wanted to up my dosage, I cannot tell you the names of all the drugs they had me swallow. To begin with I have been on Zoloft, Trazadone, Seraquil, Lexapro, and several others. those are just the ones I was taking outside of the hospital at the time, and I'm sure they had a mixture of those in the hospital. Now when I think back my visit

seems almost a blur, I remember being there. events, certain things as well but its foggy, as if a haze sweeps over my vision. I tried not taking the pills a few times however they had rules about not going to the restroom after medication was given out, not to mention if you look suspicious they check you.

The last few days being in there were the worst, I can remember sitting outside under the nice warm sun, there was a cool breeze as I sat on the stone pavement that made the walkway. gathered around me was a group of odd sort of fellows, one a man past his prime, in a wheel chair and Indian folk at that, I felt at ease around him, and I do miss him. his problem was he wanted to stay, you see living in a hospital although confining as a prison is much better then living on the streets as he had no where to go if he were to be kicked from the hospital. Then there was a lovely lady, god bless her heart She even made me take a double look, for it did not bother me she talked to god, it was when she told me god talked to her did it really sink in. After awhile I decided to stand up and head inside, once inside I went for the entertainment room.

A louse excuse for a entertainment room, a few tables, row of chairs for the small TV in the upper corner of the room. as I sat down near the isle I glanced over and saw another guy I came to know as a meth head, he once told me one night that he actually uses the hospital as a form of rehab, he would deal get hooked jump in here clean himself up so he could deal again and not smoke all his product. the guy was in terrible shape, I kept thinking to myself if pills were going to be the death of me. it was about half an hour later as I was half way engrossed into the same scene I had seen on tv the last past week I felt a soft tap at my shoulder, I slowly turned to look up and saw a Nurse standing behind me, She smiled at me. A rather devious smile in fact as she told me someone was here to see me. I simply nodded thinking nothing of it, perhaps it was my roommate. As I walked towards the double doors they opened and down the hall from what I saw caused my heart to skip a beat.

Words could do her no justice as she stood there for a moment before walking towards me, between us an opening where guests could go in and sit and meet with each other. I could only watch as she disappeared behind the opening.

There was no thought behind my feet, as they moved, forwards towards the opening. As I reached it I could see Tiffany walking towards a table taking a seat, as I followed I took note of her dress, a beautiful black gown, her long brown hair flowing down. out of all my memories of that horrible

place, that one stands out above all others. To this day I can still picture her as if it were just yesterday.

I have to sit there as I watch her get up to leave, forced to do nothing but wait. but a smile for the first time since I had gotten there forms over my face, for I am reminded that its only a matter of time before I would be with her, embraced within her arms.

As I wake, my mind focuses around my surroundings and once again I realize it was all just a fading memory, a Dream within a Nightmare. Words are powerful, when spoke they can invoke emotions more devastating then the worst bomb, or they can provoke the flames of passion.

'Take my Breath away'

With all I done Wrong

a simple second seems to long

I close my eyes and your standing there

taking my hand with such great care

I have found my heaven

and when you whisper in my ear

it manifests my greatest fear

But what you say, takes my breath away

"I have dreamed of this chance

The unforgettable romance

The smile caught at just a glance

A dream that reaches beyond the moon

Where a wish that once came true"

With all the skeletons within my closet

I was ready to forget, break down and commit

To a life without any regret

It's when I first saw you

thats when I knew

my dream had came true

remembering it all

from those first steps down that lonely hall

to the last kiss we shared

I still think about you to this day

and it still takes my breath away

"I have dreamed of this chance

The unforgettable romance"

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wanted to Dedicate this To an ex of mine, I know its been years in the making but I figured what the hell

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