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Feeling
Writing my feeling about you is not that easy to finish the sentence. You can call me psycho you can call me whatever you want but like I told you before we start I want to get better at everything. Like I told you, I want to be your Ace your only Ace. I want to breath same second like you, I want to know every feeling of you and I want to take care of you. But the thing is we are upside down for a reason since the 10th if you still can remember. If you give me a chance to let me face you than everything could be change isn't? I am stupid at love act, but I also got a lot of questions. Dose it have to be that complicate to be with someone who he love? What's the point of being together if you are not beside me? You told me that we can't hide any problem of everything. But what is this than? Why can't you just let it go and give it a try maybe? Why can't you just never understand me? Every little thing happen for a reason. You said that you are tired? Haha... We didn't even really started. I still want to hold your cold hand with my warn blood. So this my birthday present that you sent? A crystal heart which almost break? Didn't care that I laying in the hospital regretting the day that I didn't come to you? Make me to give someone my trust is really hard but if it's you I won't mind if you betray me. In my life there is nothing left expect you... I don't care how bad is our ending but if someone dare to hurt you, I will kill him no matter what it take and I mean it. I want to your place where you live in the second day when I left the hospital... Sorry that I feel so exciting to see you, sorry that I never listen to you and sorry that I was too in love in you. Waiting you in the hotel room for 1 hole week without touching you. But this won't effect my memory, and it never will my dear. I never regret what I have done for you. The truth is you still don't understand me. Haha OMG your pretty face have been painted inside my brain with the enamel which is hard to get rid of. Never blame you for what I have been hurt because that's what an asshole deserve right? I wish there is never the joker inside me so I can do what ever I want, without anything that block through my way. I am innocent, I am not the one what you think of, I can prove it to you if you want. Since I fall in love with you, you opened my eyes and I remember ever second of our life even when your didn't notice, I still want to see how cute your face was when you were asleep. Listening your breathing which can't control my heat beats and making me think that I became a psycho. No matter where or when what I know is, when I be with you I just can't control my heart beats, I feels like getting a heart attack that can prove that I love you my dear angel. I miss you too bad, still can smells from your present that you give me, wearing the gift everyday feel like you are beside me. Do you know what hurts the most? What hurts the most is when you cry. Every time you cry my heart hurts like it can't never be recover. So tired of drying my tears with the wind. Sorry that I have ruining your lifetime, please do whatever you want with me if that can make our relationship better but if you think your hand will be dirty, than please tell me what you want me to be? Listening to the music in the restaurant with the taste of whisky in my lip looking at the empty seat in front of me, getting tired of drinking alone, eating alone and crying alone. Burning myself by the candle that I light it up for you and I saw my memory with you getting burn up so hard... Blasting my mind and looking forward for the memory that was suppose to happen, taking everything backward for the everything that wasn't supposed to happen! Feeling like I have been played like a puppy who don't know who the master was. But I never blame you my dale. You make me breathless make my personal better. Thanks for the gift that you sent me, thanks for the chances that you have given me, thanks for being worry for my life, thanks for pretended that you are happy. So I guess that is... That seen what our ending was, I wish it could be another ending like you slip on my face and shout at me saying that I am a asshole or something. I wish what I was doing was right... Which is keeping away from you. I still can't forgive my family for not understand that you are my everything and that is why I left my family days ago, hiding somewhere outside the darkness following some junky people getting high with the drugs they gives cause that way is the only way to feel that you are beside me. The way I love you is high above the fallen kingdom, pacing through our universe sailing across the darkness that I have fallen. Looking at the stars drinking up the whisky doing this shit everyday just can't find the solution. Edison was the only person that saves me... That day that nigh while I am half death Edison pull me straight up from the darkness, he talk about how stupid I am.. I always regret about that day which I am not in the airport picking you up in Kunming. Always think about how happy will be when I am with you. Always think about what happen on the July 10th so I seen what it's now... My plain with your crystal heart crashed together on the floor because I was too foolish. You know even now I still care about you even I haven't heard about you for a while even I haven't see your pretty face for a while. After what Edison told me I start to think apart what we was... But what I always did is for your own good. I don't care about anything now if my love still want me to go on I will love you till it end till everything finish. We will meet soon.. I don't know if this is good news or bad I am afraid that I can't control myself again and again. When my heart feel painful I lost everything from me... I wish I can die in this beautiful pain. Please take care of yourself even if this is not for me... I wish you find your ace! And I will pray for your health everyday like I always did... Your birthday is coming up, wish you are happy. Never blame you... I'm not the one that is wrong, what is wrong is this world. Is the world that make us fall apart. I won't ever blame you for what happen. I still love you.
Love you DD
PUE_xX
