If Only


You didn’t know better
Over and over again
You opened your heart
So quick to love
So desperate to connect
So much to give
And every time
They took it all
They broke your heart
They strangled your hope
And now finally I find you
Everything I ever wanted
Everything you ever wanted
And your love is gone, tiny pieces blown away
Like brittle petals in the wind
Roots of a flower torn up and trampled
Left to die and dry in the sun
I want what you were before
I want what they had and squandered
I want the pieces of you they used as toys
As tools to learn from
Like an innocent beast dissected for curiosity
And tossed in a dumpster with no backward glance
I want the fierce fidelity they destroyed in you
Beat into submission until it ceased to exist
I want that relentless fascination
You tried so hard every time to hide
The attention you sought so badly from others
But could never ask for outright
The obsession I would willingly give to you
If you only wanted it still
I want the warmth of trust
That once made you believe in the goodness of every soul
But which now only radiates
In the presence of true innocence
Such as small creatures free of ulterior motives
Or sheltering trees reaching for the sun
I want the light that was in your eyes back then
Eyes that now grow dull any time anyone utters affections
All these things were stolen so casually by boys, by men
And in their place hang voids in your soul
I don’t know if I have the skills to build new parts
Manufacture pieces of new psyche
With perhaps a few upgrades to suit your whims
But I want to try
I won’t tell you you’re wrong
Or you need fixing
I’ll simply lay the parts at your feet
And let you do the rest
If only
If only
You would just see me

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