I try so hard

-2- Secular Poetry

I try so hard to keep alive

And move on

And be strong

I keep on running

From this reoccurring nightmare

That leaves me feeling bare

Without a care

What can I be doing wrong?

My life is one slow, emotional song

Everything's my fault

I screw up it all

I put on a mask

The hardest task

Dare not ask how I am doing

I can only lie which is shameful

I am not sad I feel not a thing

I am not happy I never want to sing

My world is black and white

Color is meaningless

And quite scarce

The wind rolls across my terrace

Whisking the tree leaves all about my yard

The clouds are gray

It looks like rain

Suddenly in begins to pour with pain

The needle like drops sting my skin

I can never win

I live in sin

I try so hard to stand up straight

My confidence deflates

Whirlpools of condolence

Makes me sick

Loneliness in my blood flows thick

The rain is cold and makes me weep

Forever I wish I could sleep

My spirit is weakening

I'm barely hanging on

Within seconds I'd be gone

If only I had the courage to die

Or to live

I'm tired of having to hide

I feel dead inside

Whispering phantoms haunt my brain

This isolation is driving me insane

I struggle to my hands and knees

And crawl beneath the roof

I impotently watch the destruction in sight

Gaze in awe as it breaks the night

And then with all my might

I form my mouth into a smile

And think to myself after all this while

I can still conquer my failures

And I try so hard to be myself

When it's not even me

I'm not happy all the time

Do I have to be?

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