Author Information
Til the day i die(Letter)
It’s a new year & still i try and be strong from this overwhelming feeling of missing you. sometimes I’m able to deal with it yet sometimes I’m weak & my emotions take over my soul & like rain they start to fall down my eyes like rain drops. they weigh so heavy; they flood my cheeks like a ocean of pain. oh god what I would do 2 smile again the way I use 2 when I was able to hold you in my arms, watch you laugh, play with your toys. I'd give anything to smile on the inside the way I do on the outside. see everyone fast 2 judge a book by its cover they see me glowing & think I’m the happiest person they ever seen when in reality my son & my man make me happy but there is a part of me that is empty when I think about you, this person who is missing from me physically and mentally. I feel like I’ma have a melt down if I wake up 2 you not here in my presence. It’s killing me you’re my daughter & you’re so far away. I cant kiss you & say g'night. I cant watch you sleep. I cant watch you. the little things that make me feel so proud that I was your mama. you not dead but you’re gone, gone, gone, so far from home I’m missing you and my heart is drowning. I’m longing. I don’t know how much longer I can be strong without my little angel but I know I have to survive for you. I have to survive for my son because he still needs me but I cant lie there are some times when I lose hope, when I feel myself falling, when there seems nothing in this world or higher can lift me up. I feel my faith hanging by a thread yet I still try and hold on with dear life, praying when I have the strength to that one day I can see you that I can erase all this pain & gain my happiness back fuller then it is right now. I wonder how you doin’ as I stare into your big & bright, beautiful eyes. I cry every night deep down inside knowing I never hurt you yet I wonder what I do to deserve you out of my life. everything happens for a reason rather we fully understand or not but I don’t & I will never fully grasp why I cant hold you tight, why I never got to say goodbye. this shit just isn’t right babe I’m sorry, so sorry. don’t hate me whenever we meet again if ever at all possible & if never just know in your heart that mama never stopped loving you I tried with all my might & I still lost you & I’m sorry is all I feel. I apologize. I wish I could turn back the time & rewind shit & fix the blindness in people’s eyes so they could see what a mistake they made by taking you away from me.
I love you until the day I die & that’s real
