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you look like my old girlfriend
Hey now blue-eyed lady...
you're a treat for weathered eyes.
You so better my condition...
like a sun through cloudy skies.
Of beauty, you're a darling, and you make me come alive.
I so wish you here beside me...
got good fevers on the rise.
Hey now blue-eyed lady,
you're a breath of sweet perfume.
Got those goods that I've been needin'...
like fresh flowers so in bloom.
Like music, you're a motion, you're a beat and, babe, a vibe.
I just need you here beside me...
it's this heart that only cries.
You look like all the wonders that I held once in these arms.
You shine so all those colors...that I used to call my charms.
And I can call ya angel should ya come to play a part.
Babe, you look like my old girlfriend,
...yeah, the one that broke mt heart.
Hey now, my dear missy,
you'd be shelter in the shade.
Got that beauty so appealing...
takes me back to finer days.
Of wonder, you're the answer, you're the reason, your the truth.
Only long for you beside me...
'wanna celebrate the proof. (??!!)
You look like all the wonders that I once so madly kissed.
You represent those colors that so brought me heated bliss.
And I can call ya starlight should ya help me make a start.
Babe, you look like my old girlfriend,
...yeah, the one that broke my heart.
I really like this one. It reminds me of a song I heard (but I don't think any women wants to ever be a reminder of another) and though I didn't like that song, I like your poem, because you made it sound beautiful and yet tinged with a bit of sadness...make sense??!Regardless, I liked it a lot :)
I disagree with jstar, I
I disagree with jstar, I think women don't mind being reminded of other women, the stanza
"Babe you remind me of my old girlfriend
yeah the one who broke my heart"
it works because it shows vulnerability. the fact that you had your heart broken, it allows others who have been hurt before to identify with you; it makes you all the more human; it makes you alive...
but on the other hand, women don't want to hear too much about old girlfriends... after a while it begins to sound like maybe you aren't over her.. and that can be very fucking annoying..
love the writing
Shana Wirtz
Thank you so much...
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments on this. It really means a lot to me for you to critique this in such an indepth and intellectual type of a way. I always seem to learn more about my own poems through other people's comments on my work. I wrote this quite some time ago, so I don't completely remember the exact ways I had felt during the moments I did it, but I think you really saw it all in a truly deep and most meaningful way. Basically, it's just an expression pertaining to true love and total admiration....hence, not being able to ever completely forget someone, I suppose. Yet, also in knowing that through the adverse aspects of a broken relationship with someone, we continue to still see them in other people because they continue to shine on within our hearts and within our memories, for such a love be unconditional. Your worthwhile critique truly came to inspire me. Take care.