Maintaining Composure. (5/29/05)

Tears drying-

mascara sticking to my skin.

Nose dripping-

snot crusting around my septum ring.

Fist poised

needle enclosed

-Let the pain be brief.

Rise up, rise down and stop

but all I feel is grief.

An hour too soon

but a minute too late

-A minute I could have had to

save a dieing man.

Moving his body like heavy boulders

while the whole worlds fucking weight

falls down upon my shoulders.

-I pray to God for relief

The ambulance arrives their sympathy

as crusty as the sleep in their eyes

-They take the dieing man away from me

does that make me weak?

So here I am

fading in, fading out of sanity

-falling over

while the dying man lies still in a coma.

All my responsibility resides within this metal in my hand

moments away from sinking in

the amphetamines are really kicking in

as I start to sway.

My ability to mutilate fades away.

Now all I can do is drop

the needle

fall back

and face another day.

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