Lust and Lessons

My Broken Heart

He hardly ever asks me anything. He just talks and talks. Does he love the sound of his own voice?


He uses me to feel good about himself. I’m sure the looks and compliments I give him boost his ego. I wonder if who I am means anything to him or if I’m just a willing object.


I told him I wouldn’t kiss him tonight. So we watched a movie in his room on his bed. He was sitting on one corner and I on the other. I wanted him to touch me; I wanted just the corners of our bodies to meet. I wanted to simply feel the heat of another body.


Then he reached for my hand and kissed my forehead and made me feel loved. I rested my head on his chest and he gently rubbed his hand against my stomach.


We held each other and he didn’t dare to kiss me. He almost had me wrapped around his finger. It felt so wonderful to be doing something so innocent and yet so intimate. Then the movie ended and I decided it was only fair to give him a kiss.


Suddenly he was on top of me pressing my hands into the mattress. He rubbed his crotch against me and kissed me aggressively. At first I liked it. But then he tried to remove my bra even though I told him not to and tried to stop him.


He made me ride him fully clothed and then he turned me over again. He said it would feel better if I took of my pants and he took off his. So he proceeded to remove his shorts and remained in boxers. I would not remove my pants so he tried to take them off himself.


Finally after much resistance from me, he stopped. I was so disgusted with myself for trusting him not to overstep the boundaries I had set. I never thought a naïve comment like “Why are you sitting so far away?” could lead to almost rape.


Was I asking for it? Yes, I let him touch me inappropriately before but I didn’t want that to happen again. And he was aware. Yes, I made the first move tonight but I never wanted it to get this far. I just wanted to be near him and to kiss him.


Worst of all is that he treated me so badly. He never cared me for more than what I looked like. He didn’t even really like me; he was just physically attracted to me.


This is a lesson to girls everywhere. It doesn’t take much for a man to think he could take advantage of you because you are “enjoying it”. Don’t provoke them with even innocent teasing because it excites them to the point that they are no longer in control of their bodies. I learned this the hard way.

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