A Picture of Grace


I saved your voicemail the other night

when I had my emotional meltdown

in which you were caught in the crossfire.


Sober-minded, I replayed it today.


Your tone, discouraged but sympathic, said

"I don't know what to do."


And hearing that now made me instanteously sob

and not because it brought back

the hurt from that night.


I felt incredibly sorry for you

that you had to be at the end

of my unwarranted tirade.


I felt complete embarrassment that

in that moment I would ever think

that you had deserved such treatment.


The next day I had apologized,

and you said "I'm used to it by now."


I felt deep resentment towards myself

for putting you through this over and over

and I don't know why you put up with it.


That night I had been stewing on this belief

that you didn't care about me 

and that devastated me because I loved you.


But the next day you proved that you did care about me,

sitting across from me over milkshakes

and waiting patiently for me to pour my heart out.


You listened and were compassionate

when I did not earn your kindness. 


I hugged you so hard when we parted

because I felt immensely blessed

that God brought you into my life.


Every day you save me from destroying myself

and what a picture of grace

that I need to learn.


This interaction is representative of 

my relationship with God,

anger, restoration, anger.


A neverending cycle 

and I can see Him saying

the same things to me that you did. 


He must be disappointed,

but His love is greater 

so His heart breaks for my stubbornness to change.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Chris J.

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