What You Should Know


I take the blame for our failed relationship and I was admittedly at fault for most of it. But you should know (even though I will never tell you) that you were the cause of some of it too. You said so many things that led me on, often reassuring me that my concerns were due to overthinking, not you pulling away. You said both people should chase in a relationship. Your words urged me on even when you stopped pursuing me altogether. I felt like I was losing you and I didn't know how to convince you otherwise. You swore it was nothing I did. I tried to believe you but I know that it was everything I did. Last night I was reading through our earliest conversations. You said once that you like when a woman is upfront and states her expectations. However, when I did just that you got angry and said I was rushing you, pressuring you. You were full of contradictions. I won't say you lied because I choose to trust you. And maybe my behavior was so out of the ordinary to you but I wish you had mentioned that I was too much before I even declared my intentions. The last compliment you said was that you had met the perfect woman. I shrugged it off because that night I was acting so needy. I was getting mad because I was lying next to you in your bed and you didn't try to cuddle with me or even kiss me. And you probably didn't even notice. But in my mind it meant this was the beginning of the end. I was right. I tried to get you to break up with me the following time I saw you. But for some reason you said you weren't going anywhere. I don't even know why because that's when you really changed. I guess you knew that if it ended that morning I would have fallen apart. I was so close to breaking. So you gave me another week to think it through and realize that this wasn't how I wanted a relationship to progress or more like derail. I am not sad that it ended. I am not surprised. I wish I figured it out sooner that you didn't care for me like I cared for you. I wish I had been able to set you straight because you will walk away thinking it was all my fault. You will tell your friends that I was the crazy one when you were the one that was crazy enough to make think you would ever love me.

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For Chris

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