The Eulogy: 'Death of my Muse'

Volume Three



The Eulogy: 'Death of my Muse'

Part One; The Sad man's Prayer.


I am back to just writing out my twisted thoughts.

There is no treasure that I cannot find.

Within this head lies and endless mind

and my only limitation are my own locks.

My body, my soul as it's my own personal conversation.


Walking straight into that storm, and I knew that path was dark.

I knew I was willingly strapping myself to the devil's rack.

On my back, I knew it was my heart that would be torn.

Next was my soul it too would go then my humanity simply fell apart.


Salvation was no where in sight, but I just kept walking.

I was the hunter to a prey that was my own future.

When in reality I was actually the clueless stalker

as I tripped and fell over my own tombstone into my open grave.

Can I, in this light of day, find in some way, for a dream to somehow be saved.

So let me lay down this sad man's prayer.


"There is more to this life then what meets the naked eye,

our existence is but just a moment in the whole of time.

To a reality that is only perceived by it's most smallest of things.

From a dead leaf, to the living tree,

we are only bound by the ignorance we choose not to see.

There is something divine to be found within the aspect of humanity."


The Eulogy: 'Death of my Muse'

Part Two; Forgive me Father



I fell trapped within my solitary hour glass of time.

Years spent running the gauntlet, this illusion of an endless maze.

My regrets are few, yet watching you die will be my greatest crime.

To weak to look him in the eyes my fear has me within his gaze

words quickly escape me, fumbling for any comprehension

maybe if I were a better man, I'd know how to start the right conversation.

In unspoken words where no sound escaped.


'Forgive me father, as I struggle to accept this fate.

Forgive me for within your eye I may never be great.

In my gut I hold the guilt, that I failed you as your son.'


Now as a man I pray you never have to know what I have done,

These insane thoughts, that spiral of decay.

To never know of the monster I once became.

In shame, I ran straight towards the poison.

In shame, I sat there and played their game on a run.


I am a coward and ashamed to face your ghost,

as I am to weak to even sit by your frail host.

Most of my life I tried to avoid drama, as it worked best.

Running from problems, I sought easy distractions

the regret, that I remained silent as you now fade

will be those choices today that will haunt me to my grave.


So forgive me father, for I will never be the man you wished me to be.

I will only always be myself, for I am and always will be simply human.




Author's Notes/Comments: 
Matthew Wayne - FaceBook Post 'September 14, 2014'

               Wow, okay so let me just throw this out there. It's probably been well over a good year since I've published a piece of writing. Not going into details, A lot of things in life had managed to complicate things for me as far as perusing my dreams and goals in this life. My dear close friends also know that I have been fighting off pretty sever depression and stress. So when I tell you how good it feels to actually post this piece of art, no matter the fact it's a cheesy limerick that any toddler can scribble together does not dwarf the magnitude of this emotion. Doubt had managed to settle in my mind casting some pretty scary thoughts into the future of my life, my writing career and a few other artistic branches I've been looking into. While every hero has their villain. I would have to say for any artist their true villain becomes their very own doubt. Nothing will destroy your dream, and skills faster then doubting your own ability, doubting your own self.

 I often forget this, since I know my "amateurish" style of writing is "mention" worthy at best. I lower the bar for myself, all while surrounded by those who also lower the bar making it hard to see any future prospect from a dream I've had since middle school. Somewhere along my path, I forgot the simple reasons as to why I love to write. I forgot the very message I have tried over and over in poem after sonnet to try and convey to my audience. Time after time, my message while convoluted was always. Live your life for this day as tomorrow is never guaranteed. Love and do good to all who respect and honor you and possibly the most important one of all, adapted into the science community itself the term "Question everything"


We were born in our brains this strange ability to send energy waves in the form of neurons to perform perhaps the rarest gift of all in this life and that is cognitive reasoning. Our ability to resolve conflict and puzzle through the use of our mind. Dreams that inspire creativity to further understand our "Reality"

So as in my tradition with simplistic revelations to my own inner conflicts, I leave you with this massive article on a creative twist to my current events, as well as discovering my muse alive and still breathing.

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