All I have to account myself are my eyes

which are red and white and blue

and all I can witness are the eyes of others

and these all gather around me like a chorus

conducted in perfect acoustics of accusations

but my soul has no sound system

inaudible is everything I really am

my soul is in some 24th dimension 

it is the shape shifter behind locked doors

the changing sands that 

never wash up or granules

of dirt that can't cling to thus


and gathered around me are mouths that chide idly 

about me are stances of the many strangers


but I do not mind this 

it is not pressure I don't even begin to question of me

because no matter what 

what I have seen of me is good


stirred myself up to the surface 

nothing is worthless 

until it might be weighed


and even in that weight, the index of everything

cannot be cataloged from me or of me


i fit in no scale

i outlive my completed self every 7 years


and yet i remain

not in my brain

certainly not my body

it will never get any better

bigger, but not better

and if i grow smaller

i invite it, because 

more for everyone else

and not in my heart

for it can cut itself off

from the rest of this messy stuff


it is strange days that have woken me up

it is pain that stirs the sigularity of me

and it is inherent that barring any catastohpic castration

I will not be around here in some capacity 

or spark in a light headed mind

bursting like internal fireworks

before the fainting departure of a never really was

in some name too many years from now


or as some glimpse in a freckle

frowned upon by many, loved by few

or chewed and gnawed on constantly

at last as poor Yorkick's dogbone

or some toenail clipping returned to Dixon

having traveled from one garbage dump to the next

and back home to be buried under the unchanging left-behinds


or naturally selected to fall as rain into the flood

as some seafoam stirred in the endlessness of eternity 

rolling out and over in an instant


i have lived my life

and seen all of this before i was dead

behind eyes blue and white and red

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