PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

You asked…

You asked…

Why do we go to church all the time?

Why do you sing Christian songs so loudly?

Why do you cry when you are praying?

Why are you so dramatic?

I'm not dramatic. I am showing my emotions. You see when I was your I was told that crying was a weakness and to shut up or I would have something to cry about. 

So fast forward years later I joined the Army. I was a professional soldier for years. I was the person who when I was lower ranking my supervisors told me not to get in trouble because I flew under the radar however if I ever did anything wrong. “ I would be nailed to the wall.” 

Something happened and I stood for what was right at a time when you weren't supposed to. It was a time during what they called in the military “ don't ask, don't tell”.

I stood up against my then roommate who was a lesbian and her and her girlfriend had been abusing me. I stood up to the squad leader who ignored me when I requested to be out of the room, my platoon sergeant. It got to the point where while I was on patrol I had a breakdown over a desk sergeant yelling at me over paperwork that he felt wasn't right and I began crying to the point where he said he couldn't stand to see a woman cry. He called in my patrol sergeant. The sergeant in Colorado you hear me talk to that I tell you saved my life. I don't say that jokingly. He came into the provost Marshall classroom area, handed me a Dr Pepper and asked all the right questions. Then said, go see the inspector general.  They will handle it and you will get out of the room. 

I gathered all my strength the next morning and went to the IG office to hear a female black E8 tell me that my abuse allegations were allegedly.  She kept saying allegedly.  I finally looked at her and said, No Sergeant,  my life is not allegedly. I got back to the barracks,  called my mom, while on the phone with my mother. I heard behind me while being thrown at me. “Tardy, here's the keys to your godamn new room”. My mom heard those words through the phone. I could hear the heartbreak in her voice. Are you going to be safe around the other MPs? I said sure mom. Little did I know that was just the start of the n word on my door, being called  a traitor,  a buddy f er. Being told civilian cops don't turn in on their own, how dare I turn in a fellow MP who was representing the unit at the boards and now we couldn't have that and it was all my fault. I was pulled through an intense CID ( which is FBI for the Army) investigation and told that I was to say that I slept with my roommate and her girlfriend willingly and everything would go away. I didn't and I was told that I had failed my polygraph.  Then a few days later I was asked to sign a letter of admonition.  I refused and said if I was guilty I wanted UCMJ. Which they couldn't do because I wasn't the one wrong.  Instead what happened was I was told on June 14th my last active day would be June 21st. My then First Sergeant said for them to do whatever it takes so I don't get my veteran benefits. Because I wouldn't sign the paperwork like he wanted me to. 

Long story short.  You wonder  why I worship God, sing Christian music, and cry often when praying.  Because this time has been a long time coming. 

Because other than the deployments and other things. I know what God has brought me from. We go to church to give God glory because he's the reason the funds that we are blessed with because that formed First Sergeant worked in a high office in the government last I knew, yet God is blessing us. That former roommate last I heard in Chicago.  I don't really know. I heard miserable things. See you see mom as this person who is strict, religious and harsh. Mom still listens to her favorite song on the ringtone from Phantom of the Opera. She still enjoys listening to old Garth Brooks and Toby Keith music like you, her and Aunt Mammie used to. You hear about Panama in 93 and other places. Yet there's so much you really don't know. That there's been nights in mom's past that she was awake because in her mind she was still deployed somewhere. She was on a base somewhere, other than home with you. When her body hurts from fibromyalgia because of the chemicals from the places she has been to during her time serving in the Army. Knowing how blessed you are after being born with so many health problems and that we no longer have to see the dr every month for a new test or anything, anymore.