I take a deep breath and count to 10,
Remind myself I can put on this fake smile again.
Refuse to look into your eyes,  because I don't want to see,
The hatred you feel for me.
I can keep my voice steady 
And fight back the tears, 
Wonder why you have felt this way for far to many years.
All my life I have never felt loved by you,
And for the life of me I wonder what I ever did to you.
I can smile through the pain of my broken heart,
And my wounded pride,
Bury the hurt deep down inside. 
I can fight back the tears that want to fall,
Wonder why I let you get to me at all.
I am glad I can't think clear enough to be able to speak don't know what to say, 
But then again you don't listen to me anyway. 
You know I keep hoping that you will open up your eyes to all you don't want to see,
But you have never been able to when it comes to me.
I wish some times I could forget,  but I can't,  at lest have haven't yet.
I am haunted by the stupid things you have done, and I ask myself how could you act like that in front of my sons? 
What took you so long to see, 
what I have known all along you failed to protect me.
I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you I don't blame you,
But I can't and I won't because I do.
I wish I could tell you the he'll you put us through don't affect me because it does,
But if you took a hard look at yourself you would realize you fucked up all five of us.
The only person  you ever cared about was you,
The only difference between me and my brothers is, I had the balls to tell you.

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