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just because
Today at 3:46 PM
I can honestly look you in the eyes and say you have left the biggest scars on my heart,
Where were you when my world fell apart?
All the times in my life when I really needed you,
You was not there for me,
Where you?
I have spent my whole life wondering why it was so hard for you to love me,
Wondering what I did to make you hate me.
I don't know why you feel the way you feel,
And I am sure I never will.
We go hurt for hurt, pain for pain, tear for tear, and blame for blame.
You can stay mad at me if you want to,
But I have already forgiven you.
I just got tired of this sick game we play,
That is why I had to walk away.
Maybe some day you will understand why I walked away when I did,
You can hurt me all you want to
But I will be damned if I let you hurt my kids.
I know that it hurts you that I am keeping my boys from you,
But they will not go were I am not wanted for one,
And for two I can no longer trust you.
It breaks my heart that they want nothing to do with you,
It is like pulling teeth to get them to call, asking me is they have to.
I hope one day you will wake up and see, you are hurting everyone around you,
It is not just me, but then again you have always turned a blind eye to what you did not want to see.
I am tired of having to relive the mistakes you have made,
I have been doing it my whole life, and honestly I think I have over paid.
I will no longer pay for your sins, bad choices, and mistakes.
I will rise out of the ashes of the hell you created, no matter how long it takes.
I will no longer carry the burden of a sin that was not mine, you can say you did not know and maybe that is true, but when you did the only person you cared about was you.
How you can turn your back on your child for some man,
Is something I will never understand.
But no matter how hurt I am I could never hate you,
I just don't understand how you could let anyone come between me and you.
When I asked you once you told me because my brothers needed a father,
But what about me? I was your only daughter.
And just because you are no longer apart if my life it don't mean I don't miss you,
It just means you can't hurt me, and I can't hurt you.
So go on and live your life and I will live mine,
And don't worry about me I am going to be fine.
Because even on my worst day I stop and remember,
Even when it feels like I am walking through hell, I am not a quitter.
And every now and then I might fall,
But I will dust myself off and stand up tall.
