no future

When I think about the future I could so easily see you,
And some day I wish more than anything you could see me too.
But you don't do you,
Try as I may I just don't mean that much to you,
Try as I may to justify your actions, deep down I know it's true. 
I almost could convince myself that I could change the way you feel,
But almost don't change anything and it never will.
Almost can't change the way things are, between me and you,
Almost won't keep me from missing you. 
Holding on will only cause me more pain,
And fighting this no win situation will only drive me insane. 
You yourself told me it takes a bigger person to walk away, 
So I did right after I told you every thing I have waited years to say.
I told you, you would never see my kids again and I ment every word,
I refuse to let them grow up the way I did, I am filled with anger, bitterness, resentment, blame, shame,
Loneliness, sadness,  emptiness, guilt and hurt.
How can I let my kids be around you,
I sure in hell don't trust you.
The only way I let them talk on the phone is it I can hear everything you say,
But even that ends today. 
I you call I won't answer, 
If you text they are NOT going to call you back,
You want nothing to do with me and my kids will not go were I am not  wanted,  and I am also tired of you feeling them full of lies, and bull shit,
That stops today I am sick and tired of it.
There is no line with me that you won't cross,
And it really pisses me off. 
It makes me mad that you pulled what you did the last time you seen them,
I refuse to ever let then see you that way ever again. 
I will never forget the pain and confusion in there eyes, 
It broke my heart when they asked me if you were going to die.
As a" grandma"  how could you Try to pull that shit in front of my kids,
Thanks to you my boys now know what attempted suicide is.
And it is not fair,
But someone who is as sick as you are, you don't care. 
I will never understand why you act like you do,
The only person you have ever cared about was you.

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