PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

prologue

    Its just like any other day for me really.Here I sit on my bed, writing in my notebook. Thoughts, Ideas, and expressions. All end up here, inside, safe and secret.. Personal things that are too much for my mind to handle alone. Writing quiets down the noise, at least for awhile. I live in Utah. No other place Ive been is as hopelessly depressing as this. Winter brings alot of snow, maybe a foot. Thats alot for me at least, Im from California. Typical dirty-blonde haired, blue- eyed, surfer looking kid. It also rained last night, making the walk to school miserable, in wet shoes. The clouds outside are a purple-gray haze. Between these clouds and the mountains, it might as well be in a prison. Its how most of the people seem at least. I walk to school alone and walk home alone. Friends are something I left behind when I came to this place. In the transition, something inside  locked itself  from everyone else. Why does it feel like they all stare at me? Hands are shaking cold.





chp 1. Too afraid to smile

    Here we go racing a race I didnt want. The coach faces me off against one of the seniors. He then says to everyone in the class to get behind the person they think will win. If your side loses, you run laps. Surprisingly more then a few people stand behind me. Tired and breathing hard from running laps previous to my turn, I know I cant beat this guy. I tell them "Go to the other side." but they dont listen. The race was lost  half heartedly. Why did those kids stand behind me? How come they believe in me, when i dont? Sleeping through most of the rest of my school day I eventually end up In math, the last class of the day. Things seem go by quickly. I had brought a book from home and kept my nose in it until the bell was over. I didnt bother with the assignment. The girl sitting next to me asked what i was reading. Its difficult at first to look at her,  for fear she might see something wrong with me. My eyes have no secrets.  Closing the book, I showed the cover to her then found my place and started reading again. The teacher lectures on, then passes out homework. I stuffed the homework into my bookbag in a clump with the rest of my unfinished or even never attempted assignments. The bell rings, and with that being the last class of the day, I begin the walk home.



    The walk is mostly just straight down hill from the school, maybe five blocks. Most of the other students who walk home also take off in different ways, leaving me and one other going down the same way. It was like this for about two days before I decided to walk over. Quickly I found that my new friend Matt also had some of the same classes as me. It didnt take long until we were hanging out on weekends, playing night games with the neighborhood and things once more, seemed to be normal. Still, that awkward feeling of people staring didnt go away. The more people I met, the less eyes I had to avoid but there were still so many. Our group of friends throughout Junior high consisted of only three people. Matt, Colby and myself. Oddly enough, it seemed I had rubbed off on my friends as we didnt fit into any of the stereo-typical groups. We considered each of ourselves loners, and that might have been our connection.  My new life here was building up, and things were good, until it was time to move on.



    It was two years only until things fell apart. First my best friend moving away, and then the adjustment to highschool. There was more people now, more eyes, and my friends were scarce except for at lunch. We all kicked it around the pop machine, it wasnt quite so crowded there. My shifty-eyed friend Colby learned how to extract pop from the machines without paying. That was always nice. After school, life had gone downhill once more. Now, instead of going over to Matts house, I mostly just chatted on the computer or played video games. Winter had came once more with the snow and fog.  Late at night when the overcast glows a darkened purple, I go for walks, to escape for awhile. Behind my old school is a pathway that leads back along a hill. I like to stand ontop of that hill and stare up into the sky. Below me the school lights gleam yellow and white. There is one light that is green above a shed. Ive always wondered what was in there. A lock prevents me from finding out. On this windless night, only the lonesome call of a distant train is heard. After awhile, my cheeks and fingers go numb, so I decide to go home. Waiting for me is the shower, whose embrace is too hot at first, but then I go unfeeling. Sitting with head lowered, letting the water run over my face, I close my eyes. Inside the shower its ok to cry, noone can hear you if your quiet.



    I dont eat lunch at school as my father makes too much and doesnt decide to buy food for me to take. This was different in Junior high, but something about him changed shortly after I moved in. You see, my parents are divorced and I had been living with my mother and siblings until I was thirteen, That was when I decided to come here. My dad was once my hero, and like alot of children to their fathers, I wanted to be like him. This wasnt the case anymore. A fight with your father should never have him come to the words "Your worthless." or end with "You will die face down in the gutter." thats just not how family should be. Those words haunted me, and to some extent still do. Thats why I go out alone on 'walks' at three in the morning. Theres not many cars out that late so sometimes, I lay in the intersection by the gas station, watching the lights change. My mom with the other four kids really couldnt afford to have me back, and I really dont want to make things harder for her. I feel trapped.



    That year passed slowly, and the clouds never seemed to go away. A girl I had been talking to on the computer was talking about meeting up sometime, so we did. It was awkward when I stepped into her car, she was a few years older then me and very quiet at first. The night went on, we ended up going to an all night diner where she ordered coffee and talked about the waitress and staff she knew here. When we left it led her to ask me "Would you like me to drop you off or would you like to come up?" Ofcourse I chose to come up, as she was not only interesting but quite funny. I enjoyed her company more and more even when she did tickle me out of the car backwards having me land on the grass. Dont worry though, the car was stopped. Many strange and funny things came next which I promised her I wouldnt tell, but rest assured there is still more to say. We became great lovers, atleast as far as young adults can go with it still being real. We got along so great, there were hardly any fights. Stress and distance eventually split us apart, mostly on her side, though we were still good friends. It was almost like a curse that the next time I would see her, was the hospital.



    A truck running a stop sign had hit her on the crosswalk. Both legs were broken and she wouldnt be able to walk for almost a year. It was when this happened that we became even closer. I would take her to movies and out to eat more often. Kissing her in public even, which she was not used to. Her body had been maimed and scarred, something she was unable to look past. When I first met her she had self inflicted scars to look like flower petals and tattoos and peircings, which to me was all so abnormal but I could deal with it. Maybe there was just something I could see which she couldnt. Suprisingly, even though I had told her many times how much I loved her, she not much as asked but spoke this. "You really do love me?"  I couldnt help but laugh. My answer was always "Ofcourse." One night, when her apartment pool was still open, I took her swimming. Holding her in the water and swimming back slowly, talking softly and admiring the night sky. Falicia...





    Again as time would have it, we seemed to split apart, or atleast she seemed to go. I wasnt ready for it. She moved and decided not to talk to me. Not knowing what to think it brought me to the conclusion that I must have done something wrong in it all. Maybe one joke went too far. All that time she had also been helping me get to the doctors and get medication for these feelings I was having. They wanted to call it anxiety or depression but it seemed like so much more. The pills they had given me had run out, and she had been the only one looking out for me. So now the winter seems to be settling back in, and the same feeling comes to me.



    As before I said I write and some of these writings come out as poems. One inpaticular has me rereading it, not knowing how I wrote it.



ongoing pain

the pain i have cannot be eased

hiding behind every smile, laugh, and joyous moment.

all an act, to keep you pleased.

to keep you from knowing the truth that i feel

The unrelenting horrors of my mind and emotions

a movie so real, you can see it playing

behind my eyes

over and over.



The rain and tears

soaking the scene

of me standing

in darkness

nightmare or dream ?



Blinding fear

The shackles of torment

holding me back

against the flow of the moment.



Stuck

with the only ways to escape

being death

or insanity thats beginning

to take shape.



    The thought had cross my mind many times since I came here, Death. It wasnt until now that I had seriously considered it an option.  Neglect. Such a simple word to describe my life. Oftentimes ive wondered if it was my fault, but is that right?  Did I deserve my hell? Again, as always, it comes back to the same questions. Another reason to escape. Taking a knife from the kitchen to my room, I began crossing my wrist slowly. Did you know, at night I used to pray?  Hands togather, kneeling beside my bed, asking for things so little , but so big to me. Yes i wanted my girlfriend back, I wanted to pass school, am I so selfish? Sometimes I even prayed just asking for this pain to go away, The eyes to stop looking at me, and the judgements to stop burning. There were no answers for me. I miss you mom and Im sorry for this.   looking down , the knife no longer needed me to hold it. Everything felt so warm. God, why do you abandon me? The pain seared low.



chp 2. Otherside

  





    Opening my eyes, I stared looking up. The sky was ashen red, infact, getting up I could see that everything but that was  pale and almost colorless. A land of black and white. Covered in dirt,leaves, and soaked, I got up from the side of the street. Something eerily familiar caught my attention then. This was my street, and the collapsed home behind me, had been my own. The wind above howled through the trees, raining dead leaves. Approaching my house, it looked as if the roof had fallen in and that noone had been around in years. Strangely though there was no accumulation of dust. Climbing into the wreckage and down into the basement, my room still seemd to be intact. A spider sitting on my dresser greets me as I ravage through the drawers to get dry clothes. Its web, large and glistening in the palor light from the window, is woven above my bed. A pair of jeans, a blue t-shirt, and my old black hoody suffice for now. The weather outside doesnt seem so cold anymore.



    Walking through my neighborhood, its houses are either falling apart or completely burnt to the ground. Aways off I can see the park. The steel slides now twisted and bent, while the swingset leans to one side ready to collapse. A light fog thickens the air, and the sky now that dark purple overcast. Im unsure where the light comes from, as there is no moon or sun to be seen. The fog white, and clear to see, but then a face is there, and vanishes again. "Who is that?" I call to them. Moving closer I realize I hear something, a light screeching sound that goes off and on again quickly. Bars spin in a circle, and their she is. A young girl, maybe seven years old, riding the merry-go-round. She gets up and smiles then goes and runs it around to gain moment, quickly jumping back on afterwards. The fog seems to spread away as she twirls, never looking away from me. It slows down, so she gets ready to go again. Suddenly, two hands reach from the fog grasping her from behind and pulling her back. "No ! Stop!" I run through the merry-go-round and make chase. I can see lights from a street light ahead, hazing the small grassy valley. A large shadow stops at the end of the street. The yellow road sign reads 'end'. The little girls face is in horror as they turn to face me. The street light gleams yellow over them. The smile on the shadows face is crooked, insane. "Are you ready?" He asks me. A knife is procured from behind him, shining red from the lights now.



    A song begins, in a voice both soft and beautiful. Whoever it is out there, she sings the song of my soul, guiding me foreward. Rushing ahead, I tackle him over, jumping right over the little girl. We fall through the fog, and there is no ground. The street behind him was nomore, and as the sign had said, this was the end. His curly hair, blue eyes, and crooked smile resembled me in way so that I had chills. Falling over the edge of the road with him, I pushed away, grasping for whatever I could. My fingers met a wall, jagged and rough. Holding on for fear of falling, I could no longer see the stranger below. Having fallen quite a ways, the top looked intimidating to reach. Hands now cut and bleeding, I reached up, feeling for my next grasp. The fog above sank down into this pit, lightly It swirled around me in a very thin form. Slipping several times, and panting, finally I reached an arm over the top. Small hands held onto it, helping me up. Then there she was, with a serious look about her, the little girl was ok.



    We were both silent, as she lead me back to the park. Sitting down again on the merry-go-round her small voice in said "Push." In a polite command that children seem to have. I ran and ran until it was going quite fast then let it go. Her squeals of laughter brought a smile to my face. Yaknow, I sort of miss my little brothers and sisters. While she went around and around, I ripped the cuffs of my hoody apart, letting my thumbs through the holes. Almost like gloves, my cut fingers could grip the rest of the cuff to staunch the blood. The little girl came and set next to me on the broken bench, that also sat on the ground. Looking into her bright green eyes, she smiled and shrugged, then asked me to follow. Through fog and silence we went, until it all cleared around a feild. A large rickety backstop fence rose over a dusty white plate on the ground. The pitchers mound, hardly raised from the ground had a white bar also. It was here, out in right field she showed me. A small grave surrounded by overgrown grass with the name 'Michelle Rose' etched into it. The girl held my hand then, and knelt infront of it, so I did likewise. "It will be time to go soon." she said sadly. "Will you come back to visit me? He comes back every night..." All at once the fog was swept up off of the valley. The sky once more an ashen red, her hand now only a faint tingle in my own.  Michelle had vanished, back into her grave.



    After all that had happened, I wasnt sure what to think, but somehow I knew it was time to move on. Up the street and then a couple blocks to the left was my old school. The air seemed colder the closer I got until there I was. Its large front doors loomed infront of me uninvitingly but I would move forward anyways. A feeling in my guts started to ache. This pain came many times before, whenever I didnt have my pills. Opening the doors, the lights flickered on and off as if something was wrong with the power. The halls empty, im not sure why I was expecting students, but I was. Classroom after classroom, barren and dark, then a peculiar feeling. Down the old math hall, a quiet sound. Room 43, where I used to come so often. Again the pain comes.

  

    I cant hold on. They are all staring at me, Into me. As i walk  into the classroom, all the desks are full. The entire class, head turning to stare right at me. All the faces haunting and familiar. .This is everyday what school was for me. Having them judging my every breath, caged inside myself. A bead of sweat ran down the side of my face. While lost inside myself, i hadnt noticed that I too, now sat at a desk. There was no reason to look up to know they were all watching, all but her. Haley, the girl who I had crossed glances with many times but hardly talked to. Her eyes distant, mind somewhere lost in thought. It was then that I noticed him, shaking in the corner. It took alot to get away from the desk, mind reeling with all their thoughts, tiny voices chanting. Over to the corner I walked, reaching down for his shoulder. The boy turned suddenly at me, with a featureless face. No eyes,mouth, or nose. He then screamed.



    Gripping the front of his shirt I layed fist after fist to its face. The scream halted, and the feeling of them all staring didnt seem to matter anymore as I begun to understand what this was. This boy was the reflection of me, but nolonger. The more I realized and accepted this, the less he was. I didnt need to keep hitting him, but I did. Soon, all that was left, a faceless wooden manikin lying on the floor. Standing up and looking back to the class, only Haley and I remained.  



Chp 3. Truths of suicide    



    Back, a few years ago, is when those pains started happening to me. Just sitting in class minding my own, but then every glance my way chipped away at that stone inside me. Eventually they reached whatever was inside of it. A bullet peircing flesh without armor. I had become defenseless agaisnt them,  weak. It didnt exactly happen all at once, my breakdown. Just more things chipping away, until It was raw, even pure. The question I would have for myself then is; How do you forget to deflect their judgements. Do their opinions really matter ?  It wouldnt matter what I asked myself, or tried to beleive. The subconcious of my mind had taken over and their was little I could hope to do. What willpower would it take to change their minds, let alone my own?



    Haley's eyes hadnt broken away from her dream, though she got up and started to walk away. Down the hall she went, slow steps echoing. The lights still flickered, and the air was still cold. The short walk ended when we reached the girls locker room. Then, from a locker, she pulls out a bottle of pills, then collapses suddenly. Tiny voices surround her, yelling and closing in until their words are inaudible. Hestitating, not sure what to do. This must have been the way she ended up here like me. Haley hadnt vanished with the rest of class nor did she dissapear now. Reaching down and lifting her up, icy cheek brushing against my own. The very touch of death is what it felt like. Icy fingers played up my spine while I carried her away.



    We left through the back gym doors. It was the fastest way out, maybe the only way out. Had we have stayed much longer in that place, im not sure she would have recovered. The purple night sky was about us again when we exited the back of the school. Trudging up the hill, where I had come to think many times before, I sat with her lying in my lap. The air up here was moist and warm. A green light from above a shed in back the school washed across her face. Minutes or hours, im not sure which, had passed quickly. Haley murmured, and shifted slightly. My hand caressing her cheek, wasnt so cold now.



    It doesnt take alot to see the beauty in a person, sometimes all you have to do is listen. I beleive that everyone in screaming out in their own way, even if its not always so general. For myself, it had been writing and silence, but for her, who knows? Remembering her wasnt as hard as maybe I had thought it would be. I knew the face well enough to find it in a crowd. There had always been one special thing I thought about though when I would see her in class. Something rare that I only saw once. Her smile. Its not to say that she didnt smile, as so many kids in school often do while joking around with eachother, but a real smile where you didnt have to hide. Something beautiful where afterewards your eyes didnt shift, and you didnt look away hoping they couldnt tell it was a lie. The only thing I really knew about her.



    A quiet song, still playing in the background brought me around, then I noticed I had been dreaming while looking off into the dark horizon. Eyes were on me, I could feel it. Looking down, she was awake. Blues eyes captivating, while her look was still peaceful. "Hi.." I managed. "Hi." she said softly. Getting up, she stretched. "How long have you been here?" I asked. "I dont know. Where are we ?" "Dead." Her stare was unbeleiving at first. "Why did you you do it?" "Do what?" she asked helplessly. "The pills. What made you do that?" Head down, it was obvious she wasnt ready for all this. She went on to tell me of her own pains. How everything in life was crushing her, and that there was nothing she could do.



    The night faded as we talked, and the red sky rose again. Walking now, on the path around the hill that led into the alley between two houses. The fences were high now, so much so that the roses and ivy climbed high above us, then created a roof letting little of the light from the ashen world above, shine down. It was quiet and nice in here, with a wooden park bench waiting for us. As we sat and chatted, white roses bloomed unordinarily fast around us, sprouting out from the vines and ivy. Shortly a pale white glow from the flower illuminated the dark alleyway, of which I still could not see the exit. Thinking about it now, I dont remember seeing the way we came in either. In mid sentence, Haley stopped. That strange dream look in her eyes again, and then nothing. She was fading, slowly. Her hand fell through my own. The wind picked up, sending petals cascading down. A distant voice laughed.



chp 4

    White roses and blood drops



    The laughter echoed around the small alley that now felt like it was closing in. On thorn and vine she appeared, being carried like a queen. Wearing a white gown, stained with drops of blood. Hooks with chains adorned her skin, pulling and seeping openly. I knew who and what it was, just another figment in my mind. "Greetings, Lady of hooks and chains." I said with a sneer. The embodiment of all the pain and turmoil I had gone through since I lost her. Was this some kind of test like back at the school ? Even if it wasnt, I would make sure to end this quickly. "I finally have you alone." was her reply. Lips red and twisted in a malicious smile. The vines carrying her, reached out for me then. They moved as if giant snakes, coming to strangle and bite with thorns.



    It wasnt my fault. It wasnt my fault. "It wasnt my fault you left." The words echoed in my concious trying to convince my sleeping mind. The vines slithered up my legs, holding down tightly. Was this all not in my mind ? Could this be real ? Rising from her throne, the Lady of hooks and chains came closer. Appearing from behind her, a hooded figure holding out a large hook which she  took to undoubtedly use on me. The song pulsed suddenly and picked up all at once. From the quiet melodic sound to a now dark and powerful dirge. Red washed over my eyes, the only color I could see but also, the only color anything had become. There was nomore thought, pain, or fear. Instinct had taken over.  



     Manipulating vine after vine to tangle around me, a puppet master pulling the strings. Arms and legs now fighting to move forward while my clothes and skin shredded apart. A taste of blood sour in my mouth. Even with all the willpower I had been granted,  weakness soon took over. Her laughter rose again. Bright yellow light escaped small crevices in the wall of branches ahead. Its warm touch guided me forward. Reaching forward, my only hope to grasp something and pull out of this hell. There was nothing to to take hold but branches that gave way as the vines pulled me back. The sinking feeling was too much for me now. From nowhere  A hand grasped my own, lending strength and pulling me through. The world had been painted warm, for with closed eyes, is how I saw it.



    The world had been painted warm, for with closed eyes, is how I saw it. Opening them, a bright blue sky with large white clouds greeted me. A leaf glided down on a breeze from the tree overhead. The sound of summer, with its birds in the morning. It all was so peaceful that the song from before had became only a whisper in my mind. Rolling to my side, there she was. Haley had been the one to reach out to me. I had been saved and for the second time I could remember, she smiled but this time, it was at me. "Where are we?" I asked her. "I was having a good dream, when I heard your voice. I guess thats where we are now."



  

    My clothes were nolonger torn, but my skin still bled and stung. Hands were shredded so I wrapped them again in my sleeve cuffs. A look so serene was about her, and the place so beautiful, then how come my thoughts were leaning on something colder. If this was just a 'dream' as she said, why could I control what I did ? How come their was pain when i was cut, and I never wake up. I was sure I had died, that maybe even she had too. Is the afterlife all just a dream? Enough with the questions though, theres just too many. "Do you know where my favorite place is?" I asked. A smile crept up unsuspectingly on me. "Wheres that ?" I closed my eyes, and it started raining.  



    When I opened my eyes, her hand gripping mine firmly, we had arrived to my special place. A thing I had only ever seen once. We stood in the middle of a cauldesac. The houses around us were white and nice, much better then the places I had walked past earlier. The sky above us glowed a pale green, while the raindrops warmed us. Thunder roared off in the distance. We danced togather slowly, holding while it all came down. It was a time right after a tornado had passed. The storm lasted for hours.



chp 5 The scientists building



    Lights danced in Haleys head. Eyes fluttered to catch a man walking by the bed. The sound of a steady drip - drip in the background. The lights go out and the door closes. Opening her eyes she looked over to james, now lying next to her in a bed both large and warm. The houses they had been surrounded by were empty of people yet full of everything one would need to leave. Concern crossed her faced as she could see James hadnt slept at all. Dark marks under his eyes told this to her. Why couldnt he sleep?



  

    When she woke, we left the house. Talking more about what was going on as we walked. The roads changed with our moods, the conversations and the twists they would take. Something she may not have realized, like at the park, when she got tired she would begin to fade away. I had watched this twice now. For when she fell asleep beside me in that large bed, i watched while the covers sank in while her eyes started to close. Im not sure what it means yet. Hopefully I will figure it out soon. Then something in her words caught my mind. "and he would never understand." It had been something about her brother but those particular words brought me somewhere else.



    Since I was thirteen I hadnt spent a thanksgiving at home. I always planned to spend it at my friend Matts house, instead of alone. I had realized shortly after that the reason for this was, my father didnt have time to spend it with me. There would be a turkey at home no doubt, but other then that it was as lonely as any other day. For Christmas, as maybe some would think a joke. There was no tree, no lights, nothing. Other then the snow and the number on the calendar, it was undecipherable from the rest of winter. Maybe expecting something was wrong of me. A tree with light, presents, and family, had been the usual for so many years before. That had been that though and with winters icy shadows looming. To pass the time I had started sleeping hours, even days away in my room. Really, after the first pains of hunger, all feelings of need fade away when going back to sleep.



    Snow had started falling around us as we walked down the street. A shrill wailing sound pulled my attention upwards to a massive building, that towered high just up the street. The song played more clearly now in the recesses of my mind. "Lets go up there." Looking to Haley, I could see she wasnt really there. Her eyes had glazed over again. The pale tint of her skin more ghostly by the second until I was left with just her outline in my eyes. Convient, just when I act brashly.  The doors to the inside had been smashed in and now lay to the sides on the floor. The halls are lined with rooms, each placed parrellel with the other side. A white light rushes from room to room with a massive gust of air blowing down the hall. It runs my way like an invisible train and even the tracks can be heard.



    The hallway went on forever  until I found two closed doors. A small crevice between the two metal doors glowed with a faint yellow light. The kind of light youd see from an old lightbulb. Standing infront of it, the chime went off and the doors slid open.  Buttons ran clear up the wall showing it had over two hundred floors. One button from all the rest glowed red. Press it, the doors shut tightly and the lights went out. Slowly It moved upwards, the buttons lighting up and going out as I went. What must have been a long time was pushed away for all the thoughts of what could possibly be there when the doors opened.



    The chime, and I was there. The doors slid open to reveal a hallways going left and right. Light came from a connection hallway to the left so I followed it. Turning that corner, awe captured me. The hall had no ceiling, yet its walls rode to the sky, A blue starlit night sky and there at its end an ocean. Closer and closer I walked until I stood at its edge, looking out to a small island where someone was singing. A hand clasped my left shoulder, heart stopped. "Welcome, young man." A strong though old voice resonated to me. Looking over, his hand was large and firm while the old man whose crooked glasses stared at me was rather lanky and haggered. His expression, wizened and happy. "Hello." I managed.



    "Old man will work if youd like, I really dont mind." He smiled then. His eyes closed as he did so. "Alright, so where are we?" As if already knowing it was coming he cleared his voice, gestured out to the ocean ,and began his explanation. " The sea before us is like a coin having an opposite on each side. Beneath its waves is what I would imagine  Hell. So above in these skys I beleive there to be  Heaven. The problem im having, is that the water can neither be swam nor traveled, while the skies  cannot be flown into or glided upon." " Youve tried?" I asked honestly. A heavy sigh laid between us then for a moment. "My son drowned in the waters walking out to her. My own attempts at flying left my wings in shreds, crashing back into these halls. The sky had smote me on a cloudless day. It was then that I too could hear the song."

    "The words sang of somone coming. It was then she was who told  me; 'On the path to redemption may thee walk these waters and With the strength of the innocent, flounder the skies.'  Can you hear her voice? On that island is your valkyrie." Nodding to him." I know, shes singing my song."   "How will you reach her?" his voice sounding anxiously excited. "That ,old man, is a good question."



chp 6  Escape

    After taking the first steps onto the cool passive waters, a confidence came over me. The waters surface gave stability to walk upon. Each step crated small ripples among the still ocean. Having made it out halfway to the island, I looked back. Peace radiated inside. That was, until now. Spiraling down in a vortex of lights, a trail of blackness led the way. Without warning, or signs the water had merely opened up and swallowed me. As the line of blackness went deeper so to did it stretch wider, until nothing could be seen.



         Waking up was never my favorite thing to do, and down in this pit didnt make it any better. Three feet of  dark liquid was up about my chest as I struggled to get  up. The wound, now scarred over, blazed slightly with pain. Wading through the pool of blood, firelight gleamed my reflection off the surface. Reaching down into it, I ladled the liquid cupped hands. The face it now mirrored, haggard and worn, was not my own. It fell between  fingers, leaving my hands wet and stained. If here, in this dark pit was hell, then it seems he had abandoned me. The cross felt like a wasted sentiment now.  Taking the cool silver pendant from my neck, it fell. Now lost to the liquid darkness, without a sign. To escape, I would have to find myself but who I was, or who I am, now i didnt know. A feeling of helplessness reared up, trying to take hold, but it was pushed back by something else; A whisper "Keep going." upon my lips. Unexpected, from somewhere deep down the words came.



     My hands clawed against the gray abstract stone. Gaining hold, I reached for the torch holder above.. The stones in the wall became more jagged the higher the pit got. Plenty of leverage to climb, until the top. Voices could be heard overhead, which sounded like an arguement. One was a voice I recognized very well, the Lady of hooks and chain while  the other  sounded strangely familiar.  "Enough ! I will handle the girl while you deal with him." Those voice said. Peering over the ledge the shady figure grasped her arm. "Remember, he is not to die." Pulling away and growling the Lady of hooks and chains replied in a voice most venomous. " Touch me again, I will end you." The chains hanging down from her rattled along the ground before climbing up behind him. "Indeed." was all he had to say with a cocky smile that didnt seem to fade. Walking off down one of the passageways, the lady was left all alone.



    Minutes had gone by, clinging with a numbing grip on the edge of the pit. The lady paced slowly, chains rattling with a slight glimmer in the torchlight. Struggling to lift myself over the edge, I then rolled silently to the side, hiding in the shadows. She looked completely unaware, then stopping in place, went over to look down into the pit for me. The chains began to coil on the ground beside her. Watching them I walked casually, with silent steps behind her. Edging as close as possible so that i could feel her skins warmth to my cheek, she was still unaware. "Hi !" I greeted her loudly. Jumping up shocked, she spun around with half a sentence ready to spill out before I lifted the two large chained hooks from her chest. A large intake of breath, then a splash. Tossing the chains to  the side, I looked for the passage out.



    The hallsways changed from stone to brick and plaster. Was this a lower floor of the old mans building ? Rooms up ahead, full of scattered office equipment. An open window lets in the wind that sends paper into a flurry blowing about. Over here the torches stopped but the dim light from outside was enough to get around. In a T-shaped hallway the small square elevator buttons glowed. Down the hall to right, a painting of the sea wavered out like an opening door. The closer I got, the more details of the painting I could see. Death, standing in a small rowboat, looked over the darkening horizon. Dead bodies were floating around in the water, peacefully. None were decayed or gruesome. Pulling aside the painting, another room existed behind it.



  

chp 7 Cemetary



    Her eyes are amber.  She smiles shly. Closing the large painting on the floor and the factory is gone. She seems familiar and when she says hi.

"Hows it going?" I ask. "Just painting" is her simple reply. Going back the painting, I see the previous seen of what had just happened. Covering it with a cloth she puts the canvas to the side. Even more amazing yet is the wall behind her, where she had painted a face with no mouth. It was conceptual of herself. A self portrait. "There are no lips on your wall." I say. Sighing just a bit she tells me "I am out of red." Sitting cross legged and leaning against the wall she looks over to the paper cups all full of paints. All the main colors are there, all but red.



    "If I offer you red, will you paint me a picture?" "A picture of what ?" "Of how you see me." "If you can get me red I will." Sliding thumbnail against wrist, I take up one of the empty paper cups and let it drain. Her eyes widen, while the smile fades. When the cup was a quarter of the way full I wrapped the cuff of my sleeve over my wrist. "Will you finish the wall now ?" She nods, then walks over slowly and lifts the brush. While she paints, her own hair changes colors. First from a reddish brown, to a bright blue. Time passes quickly, watching her work. "Will you come with me ?" she asks then, as the painting is finished. The walls lips were now large and lifelike. Walking side by side, her hand slips into mine.



    Haley opens her eyes to see the face of a little girl hovering over her. With a big smile the little girl welcomes her back then tries to help her up. The tall building where last she had seen James towers infront of them, its doors smashed open. "Im looking for James, my name is Michelle. The little girl says matter-o-factly. Haley cant help but smile at the funny little girl. "I think he went in there." She tells the little girl. "Its dark." Michelle tells her as they walk inside. Lights flash down the hallway from room to room on either side. The sound of train tracks, and looking quickly they see a subway train. Michelle finds the elevator, with its line of yellow light shining out. Togather they step inside. The lights turn off as the door closes, then the buttons illuminate. A dirt smuged fingerprint is outlined on one of the buttons. Haley pushes it.





    The elevator stops abruptly. Michelle holds onto Haleys leg while she starts hitting buttons frantically. The door opens halfway between floors to reveal a cruel smile and crazy eyes staring at them from the lower floor. The girls scream. He reaches in for them, hands coming closer to their ankles. A man of black skin calls to them from the upper floor. His hand outstretched. The elevator shakes. The one with crazy eyes reaches closer. Haley reaches up for the dark mans outstreched arms, but they are too far. Elevator doors begin to shut. The lunatic below laughs horribly while the dark man fights against the doors, trying to hold them open. Pushing the doors slowly open he tells to girls " Hurry!" Haley lifts Michelle up onto her shoulders. Michelle is just barely able to climb up to the next floor. Standing on the railing in the elevator a hand grasps Haleys leg.  Panicking she slips and falls back.. Holding the door with one arm an back against the other side the man above reaches down quickly grasping her flailing arm, pulling her up. The door slams shut, leaving an arm twitching inisde the elevator.



    In through a painting she takes me. Its of the ocean at the end of the hall, though at sunset. A rowboat is waiting at the edge of the waters for us. We float along on a predestined course, while Maggie keeps looking out at the edge of light on the horizon. "This is your painting, you know." Her voice is calm, with hidden emotion lying under. "I painted it during the nights, when it was still winter." she said.  Her hair had stopped flowing into different colors here. It stopped at a rich brown color, giving her a more natural look. It was then the song came back, that it would play a harmony most chilling. Strange pale figures floated up from the waters around us then. Naked bodies of so many, with eyes closed. It was then that my spine should shivered, and my leggs give out, but it is not what happened. The sleepers in the water never moved. The draft of the ocean was warm then, and the waters glowed lightly.

    "So this is my painting then..."

    "What did you expect to find ?"

    " Dont know, just something else."

    "I painted the memories as you laid them"

    "It feels off, like somethings missing. Something I left behind."

    "Dont you remember anything... "

             I said  "Trust me."



    It was then that my reality shattered. The paint ran down the portrait around us. The room then was fog and mirrors. Two shattered, and three remaining. A large crack ran down the side of one, while the middle of the five had small spider cracks, with small peices chipping away. In each of the remaining mirrors, a different form of myself stared back. The reflection in the mirror with the largest crack grinned back, most satisfied. A shard of the middle mirror, lie on the floor before me. Grasping it firmly, the cut was far less painful then the memory it held.  The music stopped then ending in a large sigh from the air about.

    "Promise me, you wont do it nomatter how bad you feel. Look me in the eyes and promise me." she had said while holding firmly my shoulders. It had been a long drive for her to make, over just a suspicion. It didnt mean she was staying though, but did it mean she cared? So alone I thought, until my mind jerked back. Alone. The word felt like a lie inside. It was torn between my inner conflicts, never settling. I read somewhere that growing older ment dying inside. When the conflicts didnt seem to matter anymore, that felt so true.

    Deeper into the shard, back through the past of swirling memories. Another girl, a different place. What could have been, is not something easily forgotton. What would have happened, If I had knew better. "If you can trust anyone then you can trust me. I will never hurt you." Another promise broken. However close of a friend she was, I shouldnt have told her. "I think Im in love with your friend." Its was gut punching to hear im sure, though my turmoil later on would surpass that. All this grief, through my memories. It was sickening at this point, and I was done!

    The shard, held in a white knuckled fist, did not crack. Instead, the mirror it belonged to made up for the missing peice by melting down, filling the spot.

The reflection there was blurry.