Sitting alone by this window
rain blinding,distorting this place
I can only search to find
another soul to fault for my disgrace
As always there is no source
Searching inside and out
my eyes weary with blame
Yet my soul is not void of warmth
as I release my regrets,my shame
Yet sorrow still lingers in my eyes
gained in so may years of seeking help
But this absence has made me wise
taught unforgettable lessons on life
to go above and beyond the model on the shelf
and seek guidance from those I love
All in this journey to find my true self.
Author's Notes/Comments:
When I first wrote this I think I referred to my actions almost in the third person because I was afraid to admit that I had missed people from my past. Yet. at the same time a piece of me wanted them to know I had in fact needed a helping hand many times, it was almost my way of a guilt trip. Also at the time I was trying to find myself and realize what I did have surrounding me, I wasted so much time watching the rain come in off of the lake and wishing it would whisk me off to some happier place in my past. As I have grown I know there are always things that will pain me, memories locked deep inside but sometimes in order to see how far you have come you have to look at where you have been.
I still have the original posted as a separate poem if anyone would like to compare the two.
